Created out of dust from stars
as they fly past when eyes are closed.
An explanatory theory depicting incredibility;
dreams will never be bricks
to build with,
as they dematerialize
when waking up in reality.
| To me, it seems to flow together perfectly. I feel the choice of words and the organization go together quite nicely to get your point across. The underlined, italicized, and bold words really stress what you're getting at. I'm sure what I'm saying is all above me, but i didn't read any of them. the third line is really awesome to me. I am always a fan of short poems that can mean so much. I will say that I agree with what you are writing about. Amazing write. going on my favs list. |
|| Posted on 2007-12-19 00:00:00 | by Dreamer Redux | [ Reply to This ] || This is short, but so very very true.|
I havent read I poem I can actaully relate to in awhile, but this is somthing everyone can relate to.
Fantastic write, there isnt really much to critique.
Please comment my latest poem if you can.
|| Posted on 2007-11-23 00:00:00 | by girly101 | [ Reply to This ] || you know... i would almost suggest changing the lat line. it seems awkward to me compared to the rest of the piece.|
upon waking to reality
this is a really beautiful idea though.
ive never liked the idea of dreams being like bricks. it makes them sound so heavy and breakable. dreams shouldnt be either. they should be light and maleable. perhaps like gold. yes. like gold. because gold is maleable too.
and if we are going to build dreams what are we going to end up with?
yes i like what you have done here. star dust. something fascinating and hard to contain. this should be what dreams are made of.
|| Posted on 2007-10-24 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ] || Like what EmpathicAya said, you used the underline, bold, and italics very well. It emphasizes on the words they are modifying. I'm not sure if you were trying to imput a picture but there's a little white box with a red "x" in it. I like how poets use visual art to help represent their work. I think I might have to steal that idea from you Janneke and use it on a later work. Thanks!|
Unlike the previous posts, I think I do get your first two lines because one can only dream of what's really out there. There's similarity about space and dream that human wants to know about. It's the imagination that human has and it's uncontrolled.
No matter how stupid or brilliant the idea may be, it started off as nothing. Nothing is actually something as I always say. Dreams had to come from somewhere even if they just start off as small. I find that dreaming is fun to do even if you don't know what you are dreaming of. Sometimes I have to even write down my dreams so I can remember them. There are dreams that even get me teary-eyed; they're just simply amazing. Some of my ideas even turned out to be big things that I've written on here.
Of course all dreams are not supposed to be pursued, but a few of us don't know that. They're the people who either want to risk it all or make it big. There's nothing wrong chasing dreams that might seem impossible because I feel that nothing is impossible if you put your heart to it. Of course, you would have some sort of logic to your dream that you are in pursuit.
No dream is ever built solid at first, that's where you expand your horizons with thinking. The last four lines of the poem made me think of this idea. Don't let dreams drift away, keep them close as they might tell people something.
I found this a better piece than what I currently see on Elite Skills. It's short, simple, and you used mechanics in the appropriate places. I would have to say that this is a piece I do really enjoy. We should try chasing our dreams, but there are some that aren't worth it.
|| Posted on 2007-08-03 00:00:00 | by Finnigan | [ Reply to This ] || I disagree with you. If you don't build and try to go for your dreams, what else is there. The poem is beautiful though, the imagery of space is gorgeous. I will admit a bias, though, that I would love any poem written about space. Also, I think you tryied to use the underline, and the bold, and italics, and you managed to use them well. I really hope that you don't think of not going for your dreams, because that would be awful.|
|| Posted on 2007-07-27 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ] || Aaaahhhh yes. Nice description in the third line there. Wise are the people who realize what dreams should be left as just dreams. Even though some can come true, not all of them should.|
I'm not sure about the first two lines. For me they don't really do anything to compliment or build up to the rest of the write. They seem to be just two lines that set a scene but it is not a scene about dreams, ya know? Anyway, thats just me.
Thanks for sharing.
|| Posted on 2007-07-25 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ] |