[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Cookies and Dreamsdots

    Author: tennisfuzz
    ASL Info:    21/F/wandering.
    Elite Ratio:    5.72 - 79/98/40
    Words: 329
    Class/Type: Story/Serious
    Total Views: 1170
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1692

       This was different.. then most things. I dunno, i've written a lot of short pieces... I kind of mushed them into this. Just like pouring.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCookies and Dreamsdots

    I dream a lot these days… of places here… and not seldom
    I had one last night. You and I were alone. We were baking cookies.
    You were patting flour on the dough and I was laughing at the bit that had escaped onto your nose. Together, we smothered the fresh baked cookies in a thick layer of surgery white icing. The radio is playing Sinatra. You surprise me, pulling me into a dance and we twirl through the house…

    We pass a window, and I see my reflection. Then it becomes me. I’m outside the window, on my heels in a shrub, looking in. My tear streaked face watches you and some unknown female…Baking cookies, laughing, twirling. My eyes flutter, close, and then the image dims into my mind. The insides of my eyelids seem to glare at me in darkness. I open my eyes, all is soft, silent.

    It’s strange how life seems to fade with age… like colored paper in the sun. The days stack up and compress, the best ones brighter… the torn ones adjusting the stack.

    You remain the only one I can write about, truly. Meanwhile I flit around with the jealous, the overly zealous. Terminal distractions. Any stray thoughts of you still manage to bring my stomach to knots. I have a strange satisfaction though. Dreams remind me, even as I wake, that love is never lost. And even if it remains in the unconscious, with a few bumps, it fills the heart. I enjoy my life, much more, without that strange intensity… I refuse to live in my dreams, but they nudge me into the relief that I will find you in someone else.

    Every time you make cookies, they tend to taste a bit different…

    Submitted on 2007-07-25 17:59:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This is wonderful. I normally don't take the time to read stories, for whatever reason (I'm impatient). But this one caught my eye. There are so many different emotions in this piece, and they come together to create one great and ultimately optimistic feeling. I like that! You start out with the happy scene of the couple, probably young and in love, and all the sudden she is watching him be happy, and she's alone. But she realizes that she may be alone, but she's never lonely and she reminds herself of the logic that suggests she will find somebody else. Maybe not him, but he'll be in there somewhere, even if just a little bit. I like how you say she'll find it "without that strange intensity" because that is exactly how the feeling can be described. I took it to mean that it will never be the same as that first love, never as intense or youthful or maybe even delightfully happy, but she will find stability and strength and commitment in love somewhere else.

    I also love the comparison to the paper. Beautiful.

    Overall, this story was wonderful, and it is my new favorite. It is a reminder to those who are experiencing heartbreak that life is not over yet, and there is so much more to come.

    Thank you for sharing.
    | Posted on 2007-09-10 00:00:00 | by awastedsky | [ Reply to This ]
      this is no poetry ?
    but u can name it as a dream,a thought,or a feeling.
    well ur free to write anything i am just telling you to name it properly i know the first line itself suggests that you are dreaming but still,,,

    i too dream a lot,a lot,really lot
    though there is something peculiar with my dreams i just dont leave a dream you know like dreaming today forgetting tommorow, i continue them each night i wantendly continue them its like i frame my own dream...

    | Posted on 2007-08-10 00:00:00 | by SAMEER | [ Reply to This ]
      OOOOOOoo I like the last line of the poem, it was really touching. I can relate to this in every way shape and form. I think you chose yhour words carefully here, and chose to write in words that captured how you felt the most. I really did enjoy this, not only because I can relate to it, but because it was generally a good read. I like that you chose to be forward here, and write about something that meant something to you. I like it.
    Be well,
    | Posted on 2007-07-27 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
      This sounds more like a memory than a compiling of writings. This is what interests me. This writing to me sounds like something i hear in the books i read. Areas pertaining to dream and reality mixing together. The best example would be Animal Dreams. You share a lot in common with the author and book. Since you stated that its a dream, the diffrent ideas you place in this are unoticable since dreams are often iradic. Anyway, its not my favorite piece but your use of experience along with simple images and emotion puts me into a diffrent worlds were such things are foreign to me. Mostly by the fact that i dont dream much or hardly remember any at all.
    | Posted on 2007-07-26 00:00:00 | by Seraphim X | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Shi written by ShyOne
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Records I written by Raphael
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Cover written by saartha
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Dream written by closetpoet
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]