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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Green Roomdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mandolin
    ASL Info:    10/15/89
    Elite Ratio:    5.4 - 131/145/85
    Words: 129
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 136
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 951



    Description:
       - -


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Green Roomdots
    -------------------------------------------


    In the green plant taste,
    so tart and thin and dry,
    which makes for velvety tongues
    and toadstool faces;

    in the green,
    a lamented sadness;

    in the sharp soggy green
    is a narrator
    who speaks in outdoor voices.

    The thick green man
    spoke in his outdoors’ voice
    as she played the violin;

    in the green,
    she played unripe betrayal
    evening, dusk, and dawn.

    In piles of powder green papers,
    damp and peeling pieces,
    soft silks falling,
    disarray,
    a forest stationary,
    she played the dead plant song.

    In the green,
    lives a permanent poverty.

    In the green room,
    said the narrator voices,
    violin girl lay
    weeping and rotting.

    In the green,
    said the narrator slowly,
    are many sad stories.




    Submitted on 2007-07-27 10:35:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      you can completely see this scene playing out inside your mind when you read this! my friend told me to read it because it was on her favorites, and now it's on mine too haha

    i love the repetition of "green"
    especially because green is thought of as happy usually, a symbol of life and all that, but this poem gives a totally different view of it!
    Green is made more oppressive, because the reader is trapped in it. That's all they see, and so it becomes almost sickening. The only way to escape green life it seems, is to die, like "the violin girl," in which case, the escapee would turn rather blackened as they rotted amongst life for a while. But the irony of it is, they would then turn into soil and grow more green. Never able to break free of it...Intriguing......love it, once again!

    ~chaos~
    | Posted on 2007-11-16 00:00:00 | by whispered_chaos | [ Reply to This ]
      The ending is simply beautiful, it nicely sums up the rest of the poem. This piece also has a very theatrical feel about it. All the greens reminded me of rapid flashes of dreams, bright and vibrant in their green color, even though I'm not sure why I see this.
    I particularly liked the bit about the narrators' voices, I can actually hear all these voices, male and female, high and low, speaking. So you did extremely well with imagery.

    all the best,

    *tox*
    | Posted on 2007-11-16 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      thanks for the comment:)

    i like this a lot, i think i'm gonna favorite it
    it reminds me of a novel i read a few years ago, whose title i cannot recall
    and i don't really have a favorite line or stanza; i loved the whole thing
    i'm no good at any type or reoccuring motif, so i love poems that have that element

    SYnesthesiA_WaR
    | Posted on 2007-09-27 00:00:00 | by SYnesthesiA_WaR | [ Reply to This ]
      I really have one little pick:

    The thick green man,
    he spoke in his outdoors’ voice./i.

    There shouldn't be "he" before "spoke", in the second line.

    The transition from nature to physical was smooth, though there were some parts where the pace lacked. Maybe due to wording, or the whole structure of it, which I found awkward when reading.

    What attracted me to this piece was the title, actually. I always believe that a good title makes for better-suited and guided poetry. When the title shows little intent, or an outstanding amount of insight, it sort of ignites a curiosity and he or she will follow through.

    Other than that, Mandolin, I love the Theatre ambience that this piece exuded. Excellent.
    | Posted on 2007-07-27 00:00:00 | by JenFlynn | [ Reply to This ]



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