Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: the sun collapsingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blackbird
    ASL Info:    31/male/reykjavik iceland
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 194/328/300
    Words: 141
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 564
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1026



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe sun collapsingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    we're embarrased
    to look at animals in the woods.
    i'd rather sink or swim
    on my own momentary personal aesthetics
    than any attempt at realism.

    those trees look good.
    i'm too sophisticated,
    that's my problem.

    i'm stunned i bothered
    to have a body at all,
    & that's why i can't stop
    looking at it.
    like a cloud.

    our path is slow & scarey.
    that's why i wish you were here
    to see the elbows in the trees
    & the slingshots.

    what am i capabable of seeing
    on my own
    besides fire?
    a thousand stairs
    lead me to your temple
    & i'm looking for white trees,

    something new.
    something too stupendous to report.
    something that stops everything.
    the hat of the sun collapsing
    & then the end of the world
    will come to me.






    Submitted on 2007-07-27 12:38:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i liked this. It had some good imagery and for a change didnt leave me feeling depressed :) the beginning started off very well but then i felt as if the message either got lost or changed.
    | Posted on 2007-07-29 00:00:00 | by TheStillSilence | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    147258

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry