yea, don't get mad at me okies? I think you f.ucking rawk but I just wasn't totally feeling this write...
I LOVE the concept tho, && I seriously think there's a lot you could do with you- and I know you've got the talent to do it, too. I just think this came out too jumbled, like you weren't following any one (or even just any 10) thought process....
there's nothing wrong with a longish write you know? I honestly think you need to either expand this one- or maybe just make a part one and a part two??
For one thing you could be a lot more vivid, make us feel exactly what the angels feeling- show us that struggle in a way that we don't just SEE it, but we become part of it.
also, I for one, *love* black roses :P
lol loser, nah but for real.....this isn't awful, it just needs some work, maybe a re-write? lol but I seriously hate doing them too, revising basically sux ass.
kk well I'm having trouble focusing on anything (but him) right now :( sorries!!
keep writing tho, I usually like your stuff,
p.s. happy now? you wanted a comment *so* badly and then went away for 2 days that's sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
lame of you!!
Hmmm,honestly,I can't really say that I liked it.There's just too much going on here,and a lot of it doesn't make sense.For example,the very beginning,"the struggle to be free seems impossible" if this angel is chained up and wanting away,then the struggle is not impossible,it is being free that is impossible." I used to think it was so beautiful,it used to resemble a passionate red rose"ok...what used to be beautiful?the next stanza also describes this rose,and is still confusing because no one knows what the rose symbolizes.make it more descriptive "there is an angel now...with blood flowing out of her body"this is so plain and really not descriptive at all.anyone could have written that.don't try so hard.just let it come out,and don't try and sound so metaphorical or souped up.simple can be great too.I hope this helped.