It's Not Nice to Marry Your Sister by hatredsmuse

     I have worked in retail for nearly three and a half years; which, in the grand scheme of things, is not a long time, but in these past three years, I have learned a lot about the world and those who occupy it. Most of what I know is quite disheartening... this submission will explain why.

     As far as I am concerned, the majority of the customers who enter the store are victims of inbreeding. They have to be; there is no other explanation for the absolute lack of intelligence. The following is a list of questions that customers have actually asked me... trust me, it’s all true...

1. "Do you work here?" Please keep in mind that we wear aprons, and in some cases baseball caps with the store's name on it so that we stand out from the customers. Basically, we have a uniform.
I have been asked this dumb question multiple times, and every time I pause before I answer because I want to give these people the benefit of the doubt. 'Maybe, this time, the customer is being facetious,' I think to myself. They never are.

2. "Are you guys closed?" This would be a legitimate question, except for the fact that the customer just had to pry the front doors open in order to get inside of the store. When 10 o'clock hits, we power down the doors; which means... WE SHUT OFF THE DOORS SO THE ONLY WAY IN OR OUT IS TO PHYSICALLY PRY THEM OPEN. Come on, people. Take a goddamn hint...

3. "Is your register open?" I have to answer this question on a daily basis, even though my register's light is on, and I am already ringing a customer up. Are you kidding me?! Yes I'm open, you fucking parasite!!!

4. "Is your hair real?" This one never fails to anger me. I have to answer questions about my hair several times a day; it's incredibly long and curly... and I'm white. Apparently that combination has never been seen before. What REALLY fries my goat is when people argue with me as to whether or not my own hair is real; they just don't believe me when I tell them that it's not a perm. I'm twenty-two, and it's not 1987 anymore; chicks my age rarely get perms now-a-days. ((I've even had customers grab handfuls of my hair and tug it... this has happened three times.))

5. "Is this where I return things?" Oh... my... God... READ THE GIANT SIGN THAT IS HANGING OVER MY REGISTER. It literally reads... "RETURNS".

     I guess, after fielding questions like these ((plus many more)) for the past three years, I can say one thing for certain... It's not nice to marry your sister.