i dont know if you know but Soul Assylum has a song called "Runaway Train" and to my knowledge it is quite a popular song and so you prolly shouldnt have your piece with the same title...
im not sure how long you have been writing or how much reading of other stuff on this site you have done but there are a lot of ideas in this piece that most ppl when they first start writing seem to put in their pieces.
they do sound super good... but theyve been said before which kinda detracts from the power they can have in your piece.
i guess clichés arent known until you have read lotsa pieces and notice the reoccuring themes/ways of expression.
but you do have quite a few cliché ideas running through this piece.
i think you need to be more... realistic with the character on the train... im not sure whether it is a stranger or whether its sleep or what it is.
i think you could put some more work into making him scary and mysterious and crazed. im sure you can do it.
right now he just sounds loose and out of place somehow...
but its good to see you exploring with words and presentation. good to see that you dont lean heavily on 4 line stanzas or rhyme or anything like that.
Submission Name: Runaway Train
