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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: 13 Ways of Looking at a Green Eyedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: sbridges
    ASL Info:    33/F/Los Angeles
    Elite Ratio:    2.94 - 119/119/63
    Words: 266
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1370
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1957



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots13 Ways of Looking at a Green Eyedots
    -------------------------------------------


    1.
    radiation

    2.
    an alien invasion

    3.
    a dimmed GO! traffic light
    makes you wonder
    if it really wants you

    4.
    Daisy’s West Egg
    looming inside
    Freedom in the fog

    5.
    my favorite color of fireworks
    still flashing in the haze of smoke
    from where i stand
    dragging itself up, and then violently breaking
    like a black seed.

    flaring,
    shimmering 'til it becomes
    the cosmos
    the mystery of life
    so vivid in the darkness

    6.
    veins of a leaf
    like a green fingerprint
    on the water

    7.
    a mossy lake
    soft, slippery steps
    ‘til it lets you loose
    Ophelia in a dream
    placid
    and free

    8.
    emerald, and jade stained glass
    those precious stones
    reflected on the pews
    to kneel to
    like a fresh, lit Spirit

    9.
    an Easter egg
    washed in green water
    for as long as the hard shell will take it
    always fainter than the pigment
    and
    splotchy like tie-dye

    its just a hard-boiled egg

    10.
    exotic
    tropical
    i can eat the air and
    drink in the lush foliage
    around me
    the warm tingles
    fuzzy when I see paradise,
    my own private island,
    in that eye
    that I inhabit, needing only
    poetry, and love

    11.
    a rustic olive
    from Sicily
    falling from the tree
    smooshed under my foot
    anointing my sole

    12.
    loose chartreuse crotchet
    interspersed with fraying threads of
    ruby and gold
    a spiral narrative
    like a Native American God’s Eye

    13.
    in double-vision,
    staring back at you




    Submitted on 2007-07-30 10:13:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Like you said, you got talent but you still need to work on your style a bit. This poem for example starts wonderfully, number 1, 2 and 3 are the best lines, then you kinda lose that momentum and get distracted a bit. Writing long poems like this one requires a lot of discipline and endurance that's why I tend to write shorter stuff lately. Don't get me wrong, it's an ok poem, you kinda get that momentum back with number 12 but overall I think you could tune this up a bit, give it some polish, lose some lines, make each stanza stand on its own. Anyway, I remember commenting on your door poem but now I can't find that comment anymore. Maybe I deleted it but no I didn't hate it or anything, I'm usually trying to be very honest in my comments and point out the weak parts. Compliments only don't really make good feedback...
    | Posted on 2012-12-02 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      This was great! I liked the idea and the imagery. It was a great read!!
    | Posted on 2007-07-31 00:00:00 | by TheStillSilence | [ Reply to This ]
      Very original! I especially like the ending :) Works quite well!
    | Posted on 2007-07-30 00:00:00 | by silverfragment | [ Reply to This ]


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    147410

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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