my mind a tornado
(me go dizzy, ‘round in circles)
the outer edges of my mind- birds trapped in dollhouses, dogs with chalices
whirling, circulating
violently in a vertical swirl
thinking up and down of heaven and earth
the Source and the notion
twisting together in deranged ways
the nightmare I was afraid of before it actually happened
creating a monster of disaster inside, roaring
at me, as I rotate to not look at it
head-on, but still it captures my grounded
thoughts and obliterates them into a cloud
of dusty debris of what i had known so well
the comfort of home broken into a thousand parts,
to be whole, nevermore,
the wise oak tree in the backyard is flying far away,
am I dreaming?
my head hits hard against the steeple, cracking
and my self-respect smashed
against memories of loyalty and forgetfulness
my heart a waterfall
just as the stream becomes wider and more shallow
just before...
my love, caring and pure as the dove,
was attaching to and spreading
all over everything i was aware of
and then, the break-
down, crashing
so deep at the bottom, but still smashing
against the insensitive rocks,
oh, those rocks, how they hurt,
but not as much as the nausea
in the tumbling descent,
that horror of losing connection to the earth
so reckless and fast the plunge,
suffocating in feelings of deprivation
beating at my heart
spraying pain,
and then the water becomes death itself,
never enduring as it is, and constantly changing
never holding its shape long enough
to grasp on to it,
and love it the way you want to
my soul a flame
that used to dance to your breath
and the bathing breeze
a blazing testament to wonder and dreams
of the Infinite One, omnipresent like a holy spirit
knowing everything exists somehow, and that it’s all God
this fusion of All,
turning into a purity
that imbibes Love
and stimulates notions
as well as the vital Peace
but now I realize that I have combusted
into an inferno, burning me
my dance erratic like spasms
feverishly reaching for you
as my resilience diminishes
and a part of my essence dies. |
Submission Name: THE LOSS
