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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: On Babiesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 415
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 715
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2150



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOn Babiesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I am eighteen. I work in the back of a thrift store, the miscellaneous girl...and I have unprotected sex, or did, I have halted. Well first I went to the doctor to have an ultra sound done to see why I was in so much pain in my abdomen, ovary, bladder area. I go in, lay in a room that is extremely cold, though odly cozy despite the fact that my only privacy is allowed by a single curtain, and darkness save a small glow at the ceiling which is suppose to be a bulb, but in no more than a little hint at any existing photons. The lady that gets to give me my ultra sound was apparelntly not informed that I was there for abdominal pain, because first of all she pushes way to hard and puts way to much pressure on my aching tummy for anything resembling comfort. So I lay there, perfectly calm other than the fact that I am in a considerable amount of pain, there is way to much air conditioning in the hospital, and my shirt if pulled up to the bottom of my bra. Then she asks me, " Are you pregnant?"

    Oh shit. Is there something on there that looks that way?

    But I won't go into detail about how goddamn nervous I was, and I had to wait a full hour for the possibility to really sink in before they told me to go to xrays, which meant that I wasn't pregnant. Whoosh.

    But my ex boyfriend is having a baby. And I don't know anything about his feelings, but I know that we have way to much in common, so much that I didn't trust him to be my boyfriend because I knew that he, like myself was to easily overcome by temptation, and I review this and I know that he probably isn't that exciteted. Or maybe he is, maybe I'm just bitter about him. Not that if I had the chance now I would have him, not that if given the oppurtunity to switch places I would. Because I am certain that I have settled, not into someone or something, but into me. I wouldn't want a baby, everyone that I work with is my age, and pregnant. Yikes. No. There are seven girls that I work with and they are all having a baby, some of them by chioce.

    I feel like I child.




    Submitted on 2007-07-31 21:02:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I'm not sure exactly which emotion to latch onto and really soak up in this piece. Fear, the piece is almost soaking in it, but I want something other than ripe fear, I want mature fear that would shake someone positively to the core. I want to be able to hear her (your) thoughts as the fear overtakes you (her).

    One of the stregnths of this piece is that it sounds like a confession in a group meeting. It is honest, it is human, it is imperfect, but beautiful in its imperfections. The only thing that broke the flow (and believe me, there was a very good flow!) was the occasional misspelled word (did you mean for those to be there?). Maybe I'm just annoyed easily, but I wanted to let out a little shout, especially at the last sentence. I think that in your creative fury you were simply typing fast and forgot to check your spelling and sentence structure. I think that if you go over this slowly, you will make it ten times better!

    I really liked the honesty in this piece. It certainly would take a large amount of courage to be able to post something this true to life on ES.

    Thank you for sharing your talent! Have a wonderful day.
    | Posted on 2007-09-06 00:00:00 | by AshNight | [ Reply to This ]
      well damn jaz

    this is sort of one of those teen girl nightmare things....almost

    thank god for x rays, no?


    xoxo
    | Posted on 2007-08-21 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
      yeah, it seems like everyone is having a baby or has a baby . . . . good stuff, well written.
    | Posted on 2007-08-08 00:00:00 | by Solomon Disease | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought women had the right to choose to be pregnant or not. Who is pregnant that is not by their choice to have sex?

    This was interesting and very candid. It was also morally bankrupt and rather sad. Sex was designed for a great purpose: to create life. It is sad that it has become a fixation for so many.
    | Posted on 2007-08-03 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]
      I keep my kids in the closet.
    | Posted on 2007-07-31 00:00:00 | by Derrick Thomas | [ Reply to This ]
      By choice?

    Well hell...
    | Posted on 2007-07-31 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]


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