Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Aestasdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AlmostEloquent
    ASL Info:    20/female/USA
    Elite Ratio:    3.86 - 46/70/37
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Poetry/Happy
    Total Views: 1122
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1002



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAestasdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sticky crayons melt rainbows on the splintered deck
    as paper crowns circle our heads.
    So sophisticatedly we sipped
    red, blue, green
    Kool-Aid with lazy bees
    buzz buzz buzzing
    round.
    Grass-bitten toes dangle,
    swinging free on a breeze
    as we spoke in our
    gently tumbling summer tongues.
    We squinted against bursting sunbeams
    and harsh forget-me-not skies.
    Fattened paws grasped at elusive clouds,
    childish laughs peppering the air.
    Tireless,
    fumbling
    legs charge forward
    hitting walls of breeze,
    sweetly enfolding,
    cradling our small bodies.
    Band-aid knees bent,
    pumping wooden swings to racing
    towards the sky just to
    drop
    back humbly to kiss the ground.

    A spot in time, dog-eared,
    folded and refolded,
    from visit after visit.
    Hot dixie summers enveloped
    in child memories.




    Submitted on 2007-07-31 23:31:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I'd have to agree with the others on this piece. It was very straight forward and everyone could relate to it in one way or anther.

    I think I personally enjoyed the first couple of lines,

    "Sticky crayons melt rainbows on the splintered deck
    as paper crowns circle our heads.
    So sophisticatedly we sipped
    red, blue, green
    Kool-Aid with lazy bees
    buzz buzz buzzing
    round. "


    You described children at their best, doing what they do best. Super super write, I think this calls for a favorite. <3
    | Posted on 2007-08-15 00:00:00 | by Maki | [ Reply to This ]
      the best thing I've read on this site in days, maybe weeks. so easy. instant pictures developed in my mind, I can taste the Kool-Aid, I can see the fat bumblebees bumbling and the kids with summer time scrapes bandaged. this is quite perfect no doubt and a fave fo sho. Beautiful.
    thanks
    Milo
    | Posted on 2007-08-02 00:00:00 | by Milo shanley | [ Reply to This ]
      This is probably the best thing that could ever come from a piece so simple and open. No thematic underlayers, no research-worthy allusions to biblical doctrine or greek mythology... just some fondly held memories expressed in a supremely vivid and imaginative way. That's all it is and that's all it needs to be. It's actually very refreshing. Nice work.

    -Lance
    | Posted on 2007-08-01 00:00:00 | by giventofly | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    147498

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry