It's hidden well, or so I think
This truth that I hold inside
I hope you're glad that I cannot reveal
The part of me that has died
Do you know my pain, or what this is like
To be trapped inside of my mind?
No fluid reveries just random scenes
All my memories are so hard to find
I try so hard to remember it all
Everything that you've done to me
I know what you did because I've been told
But their words and my memories disagree
I guess the part that tears me up the most
Isn't the sick thing(s) that you did
'Cause how can I even begin to hate you
From memories that have, for so long, been rid?
I never could remember the rape
But I always remember the shame
Alone in my room staring at my wall
Looking for someone to blame
I hate feeling like a psychotic freak
For loving to watch myself bleed
When you were the one who made me believe
That pain is what a little boy needs
I wish I were just too dead to feel
This void that consumes my whole
But now I have these reminding scars
From the kind of pain I can control
I manifest myself to my auto-masochism
Because it seems to help me feel alive
Rather then a thing used for your convenience
Who's sanity seems impossible to revive
Tell me now, Dad, can you understand
What its like to be different everyday?
To feel fulfilled, complete, and free
Then everyday have it stolen away?
If only I could find a reason
To forgive you now, I swear I'm trying
Your one 'fun time' and sickish pleasure
tell me, was it worth my dying?
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Submission Name: Supression
