Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Rockdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: PrettyHeart
    ASL Info:    39
    Elite Ratio:    3.06 - 62/55/53
    Words: 111
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 440
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 635



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots Rockdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Rock

    Trampled upon and kicked all around.
    No one takes time to stop and notice me.
    They just leave me laying on the ground.
    That seems to be my design for this life.

    Always perceived to be strong and solid.
    Enduring all I am prone to be put through.
    Even when I am kicked around all the time.
    However, there is something that no one knew.

    All the crushing kicks force me to crumble.
    No one believed that I could be so delicate.
    So, I am left on the ground so you can stumble.
    That seems to be the reason for me in your life.




    Submitted on 2007-08-02 09:42:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      In this write you put on a mask so no one can sees your pain, you feel life is knocking you down and no one cares to pick you up. Then in the last line you said That seems to be the reason for me in your life, like the whole poem is only an explanation why you are in her/his life, only for him/her to stumble over you, to walk over you.

    Although I am sure you do not want to, I cannot help to feel sorry. You must learn to pick yourself up and go on with life.

    As for commentary type requested you want writing advice, not a real writer myself so this is only a matter of opinion, I like to figure some stuff out on my own, your poem is strait the point, there is nothing to figure out. It is like a skeleton, a very nice one, but there is no meat. I want some structure. You begin with a rhyme structure but lose it in the second stanza, and continue with the third. On the other side you are very honest and most people can relate and sympathize with you, I think this is your style, keep it simple.

    But this is once again only a matter of opinion;please don't misunderstand me, I liked it alot; it doesn't make your poem a bad one.

    Polydectes
    | Posted on 2007-11-30 00:00:00 | by Polydectes | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    147556

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    prison written by ShyOne
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry