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    dots Submission Name: Rockdots

    Author: PrettyHeart
    ASL Info:    39
    Elite Ratio:    3.06 - 62/55/53
    Words: 111
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 444
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 635


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots Rockdots


    Trampled upon and kicked all around.
    No one takes time to stop and notice me.
    They just leave me laying on the ground.
    That seems to be my design for this life.

    Always perceived to be strong and solid.
    Enduring all I am prone to be put through.
    Even when I am kicked around all the time.
    However, there is something that no one knew.

    All the crushing kicks force me to crumble.
    No one believed that I could be so delicate.
    So, I am left on the ground so you can stumble.
    That seems to be the reason for me in your life.

    Submitted on 2007-08-02 09:42:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      In this write you put on a mask so no one can sees your pain, you feel life is knocking you down and no one cares to pick you up. Then in the last line you said That seems to be the reason for me in your life, like the whole poem is only an explanation why you are in her/his life, only for him/her to stumble over you, to walk over you.

    Although I am sure you do not want to, I cannot help to feel sorry. You must learn to pick yourself up and go on with life.

    As for commentary type requested you want writing advice, not a real writer myself so this is only a matter of opinion, I like to figure some stuff out on my own, your poem is strait the point, there is nothing to figure out. It is like a skeleton, a very nice one, but there is no meat. I want some structure. You begin with a rhyme structure but lose it in the second stanza, and continue with the third. On the other side you are very honest and most people can relate and sympathize with you, I think this is your style, keep it simple.

    But this is once again only a matter of opinion;please don't misunderstand me, I liked it alot; it doesn't make your poem a bad one.

    | Posted on 2007-11-30 00:00:00 | by Polydectes | [ Reply to This ]

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