Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Rockdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: PrettyHeart
    ASL Info:    39
    Elite Ratio:    3.06 - 62/55/53
    Words: 111
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 439
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 635



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots Rockdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Rock

    Trampled upon and kicked all around.
    No one takes time to stop and notice me.
    They just leave me laying on the ground.
    That seems to be my design for this life.

    Always perceived to be strong and solid.
    Enduring all I am prone to be put through.
    Even when I am kicked around all the time.
    However, there is something that no one knew.

    All the crushing kicks force me to crumble.
    No one believed that I could be so delicate.
    So, I am left on the ground so you can stumble.
    That seems to be the reason for me in your life.




    Submitted on 2007-08-02 09:42:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      In this write you put on a mask so no one can sees your pain, you feel life is knocking you down and no one cares to pick you up. Then in the last line you said That seems to be the reason for me in your life, like the whole poem is only an explanation why you are in her/his life, only for him/her to stumble over you, to walk over you.

    Although I am sure you do not want to, I cannot help to feel sorry. You must learn to pick yourself up and go on with life.

    As for commentary type requested you want writing advice, not a real writer myself so this is only a matter of opinion, I like to figure some stuff out on my own, your poem is strait the point, there is nothing to figure out. It is like a skeleton, a very nice one, but there is no meat. I want some structure. You begin with a rhyme structure but lose it in the second stanza, and continue with the third. On the other side you are very honest and most people can relate and sympathize with you, I think this is your style, keep it simple.

    But this is once again only a matter of opinion;please don't misunderstand me, I liked it alot; it doesn't make your poem a bad one.

    Polydectes
    | Posted on 2007-11-30 00:00:00 | by Polydectes | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    147556

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Live In Between written by teika5
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Gaia written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry