Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: “The gay / BI girl”dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Magger32
    ASL Info:    18-female-PA.
    Elite Ratio:    2.45 - 53/131/124
    Words: 176
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1055
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1104



    Description:
       Being gay or BI and facing the problems of other's comments and views.

    ~mag


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots“The gay / BI girl”dots
    -------------------------------------------


    She’s the outcast with aqua eyes.
    The color of gay’s compromise.

    Being different every day.
    The life of the rainbow, the colors of gay.

    The straight man says “It’s wrong”.
    Being gay means you have to stay strong.

    Get used to the comments,
    The rude jokes.
    Just be glad their love is all a hoax.

    They’ll never realize what unconditional love is.
    So what, gays can’ have kids?!!

    If there is love within two souls,
    Then how can it be wrong and thrown away when old?

    Its just love,
    Non other the same.
    Why do you laugh at us like its all just a game?

    Please don’t tell me it is a phase…
    Something we can drop.
    Or give up on like a maze…

    Its love.
    It is there to amaze;
    Two souls.

    And just because you think its wrong,
    I will not stop loving…
    I’ll love just as strong.!

    I AM GAY.
    DEAL WITH IT YOUR OWN WAY.








    Submitted on 2007-08-02 16:17:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I couldnt agree with you more, I personally am not gay or BI but do have friends who are. I think it's wrong when people descriminate just because of sexual orientation, among other things.
    Now, on to your poem...

    I like the way it was written, but some parts didnt seem to flow as easily as others. its starts off very strong, generally it is well written, there are just a couple of lines that i think need to revised.
    For example:

    "If there is love within two souls,
    Then how can it be wrong and thrown away when old?"

    And

    "Its just love,
    Non other the same.
    Why do you laugh at us like its all just a game?"

    Something about those two sections just didnt sit right with me, i think its because there are too many words in both of them, and the structure differs from the rest of the piece.
    My favourite lines were actually the first three sections:

    "She’s the outcast with aqua eyes.
    The color of gay’s compromise.

    Being different every day.
    The life of the rainbow, the colors of gay.

    The straight man says “It’s wrong”.
    Being gay means you have to stay strong."

    They are indeed well written, I think with a quick revision of this piece it will be very avid.
    Well done...

    ~SC
    | Posted on 2007-08-04 00:00:00 | by seriouscutter19 | [ Reply to This ]
      Heh the rythum reminds me of a children's poem. It's true, people pick on everyone who's different. Honestly, the ones who get mean about it aren't worth knowing anyway. Don't let em bother you.

    I like your picture, with gumby giving it to pokey. I lol'd
    | Posted on 2007-08-02 00:00:00 | by SpartanSteve | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    147565

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry