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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Bottom of The Drawerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: layDsayD
    ASL Info:    29/f/florida
    Elite Ratio:    3.16 - 264/243/147
    Words: 91
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 695
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 570



    Description:
       this refers to how people change we just do things that seemed to define us become scattered memory whatever it is that is goign on now right now is always so much more importasnt then anything that came before


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Bottom of The Drawerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Tattered remnants
    Black silk
    There has been to many sunsets
    Oceans of tears
    Joy and sorrow
    The memories get choked out
    This life is the only one there ever was
    I cant recall teh scent
    Dont remember The voice
    Just peices remain
    Cheap plastic flowers
    Iron ivy on teh bed
    Something scribbled on mirror
    So much escapes
    Becomes just dream
    I seldom see he r
    When thins breifly slow
    In a rear veiw
    in random reflection
    Do I know you?




    Submitted on 2007-08-02 22:21:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Alright. Alright. Alright

    Grammatical errors aside, I was actually pleasently surprised by this piece. It's refreshing to read someone whom I am not familiar with isn't writing about the standard emo crap so plentiful here.

    Yes, we are the product of our experiences, and I believe our focus on the here-and-now and the size of our "universe" depends entirely on our emotional stability and perspective. The problem that comes with entirely removing ourselves from our past, but ceasing to exist in it at all, is that we become so emotionally unattached we fail to...well, we fail to feel.

    But anyway, yes, you've said this, so why I am rehashing it far less poetically?

    You have several errors in the poem:

    Tattered remnants
    Black silk
    There [have] been [too] many sunsets
    Oceans of tears
    Joy and sorrow
    The memories get choked out
    This life is the only one there ever was
    I cant recall [the] scent
    Dont remember [the] voice
    Just [pieces] remain
    Cheap plastic flowers
    Iron ivy on [the] bed
    Something scribbled on mirror
    So [many] escapes
    [Become] just [dreams]
    I seldom see [her]
    When [things] [briefly] slow
    In a rear [view]
    in random reflection
    Do I know you?


    Which will be easy to correct. I think this piece could benefit from punctuation, as it would tie it together and make easier to read as well. If you choose to do that, uncapitalize the first letter of each line (unless of course, it's the beginning of a sentence).

    Anyway. Yes. Good work.
    | Posted on 2007-08-05 00:00:00 | by wool raincoat | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the progression of your thoughts in this piece! The ending, "Do I know you?," reflects a deeper truth than many ever see. There are a few typos that you can easily fix and line 3 should be "too many." I enjoyed reading and will take a look at more of your work! :-) Sharon
    | Posted on 2007-08-03 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]


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