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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Steve dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Guernica
    ASL Info:    17/male
    Elite Ratio:    2.87 - 77/114/67
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 908
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 669



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSteve dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Katie is
    comfortable and cool
    and spends a lot of time debating
    whether or not her hair would look good
    ash brown.

    I tell her either way
    it would look fine
    sandy,
    ashy,
    the like.

    Then she does
    something strange;
    she laughs
    and says maybe it would look good
    purple.

    I never thought of that.

    Sort of like my friend
    Steve
    who pierced his nipples
    and I asked him

    "Who's going to see that?"

    He just kind of shrugged
    and said
    "me".




    Submitted on 2007-08-02 23:50:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      I'm quite fond of the way the attention if focused (mainly) on Katie, and not Steve. You made Steve the subject, the punchline, but not the essential. Well, he IS essential, he makes up the purpose (somewhat) of the poem and its significance, but he does not overwhelm. Nice and subtle, like a subliminal message.

    sandy,
    ashy,
    the like.


    You sort of stopped yourself midsentence with "the like." You could elaborate, or, to make it conclusive, write "sandy and/or ashy." I think "or" would suit it better. But not "the like." It's too passive, even if the poem has that casual tone.

    ...Oh...you're the one who doesn't like grammar?

    All right. I will try to avoid those comments.

    Purple.

    Now, I've always thought of color in poetry to have meaning, to provide a deeper insight, whether or not the color was placed their intentionally. Subconsciously, there is a symbol within that color and its place in the poem. The color purple means 3 different things:

    1. Royalty/Flamboyance
    2. Depression/Grief
    3. Intellect/Posterity.

    If I had to relate any of these meanings to the one in the poem...I would have to say the first.

    Royalty is general. Royalty can mean popularity and recognition, or it can mean a high level of self-indulgence. I would say Katie, in this case, is the opposite of Steve- she would dye her hair purple not only because it might be her favorite color, but it might possibly be a cry for attention (disregard the negative undertone).

    Or, it can be the second, but in an accute way. She does not seem so depressed. I mean, this is only the impression I get when I read about her through your poem. By the way, is she a real person? Anyway, Katie might be a bit blue, and not so mauve.

    I like Steve. He sounds humble in a most eccentric way.
    | Posted on 2007-08-21 00:00:00 | by JenFlynn | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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