Steve by Guernica

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Submission Name: Steve dots

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Author:	Guernica
ASL Info:	17/male
Elite Ratio:	2.87 - 77/114/67
Words:	98

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	139
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	669

Description:

Steve

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Katie is
comfortable and cool
and spends a lot of time debating
whether or not her hair would look good
ash brown.

I tell her either way
it would look fine
sandy,
ashy,
the like.

Then she does
something strange;
she laughs
and says maybe it would look good
purple.

I never thought of that.

Sort of like my friend
Steve
who pierced his nipples
and I asked him

"Who's going to see that?"

He just kind of shrugged
and said
"me".

Submitted on 2007-08-02 23:50:16 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
I'm quite fond of the way the attention if focused (mainly) on Katie, and not Steve. You made Steve the subject, the punchline, but not the essential. Well, he IS essential, he makes up the purpose (somewhat) of the poem and its significance, but he does not overwhelm. Nice and subtle, like a subliminal message.

sandy,
ashy,
the like.

You sort of stopped yourself midsentence with "the like." You could elaborate, or, to make it conclusive, write "sandy and/or ashy." I think "or" would suit it better. But not "the like." It's too passive, even if the poem has that casual tone.

...Oh...you're the one who doesn't like grammar?

All right. I will try to avoid those comments.

Purple.

Now, I've always thought of color in poetry to have meaning, to provide a deeper insight, whether or not the color was placed their intentionally. Subconsciously, there is a symbol within that color and its place in the poem. The color purple means 3 different things:

1. Royalty/Flamboyance
2. Depression/Grief
3. Intellect/Posterity.

If I had to relate any of these meanings to the one in the poem...I would have to say the first.

Royalty is general. Royalty can mean popularity and recognition, or it can mean a high level of self-indulgence. I would say Katie, in this case, is the opposite of Steve- she would dye her hair purple not only because it might be her favorite color, but it might possibly be a cry for attention (disregard the negative undertone).

Or, it can be the second, but in an accute way. She does not seem so depressed. I mean, this is only the impression I get when I read about her through your poem. By the way, is she a real person? Anyway, Katie might be a bit blue, and not so mauve.

I like Steve. He sounds humble in a most eccentric way.
| Posted on 2007-08-21 00:00:00 | by JenFlynn | [ Reply to This ]

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