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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: You Are my ReasONdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lolavie
    ASL Info:    23/female/Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    3.26 - 70/175/103
    Words: 162
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 504
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 994



    Description:
       INCOMPLETE...CANT WAIT TO FINISH IT


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYou Are my ReasONdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Why go to sleep at night
    8 hours just to dream
    Why call you in the bedroom
    for you to cuddle me
    Why wake up in the morning
    to get on with my day
    Why bother picking up
    the mess in this place
    Why should I make a list
    and do the things that I should do
    you're my only reason, it's you

    Why drag myself on into work
    and put up with my boss
    Why pick myself back up again
    after a family loss
    Why even bother bending over
    just to tie my shoe
    You're my only reason it's you

    It's you who keep me coming and going
    It's you who I think of when I'm down
    It's you who when you're gone
    I wish that I had you here always around
    'cause it's you who put a smile on my face
    even when I'm going through the hard days
    you're my reason it's you





    Submitted on 2007-08-03 09:07:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This line is startin' to become one of my 'normal' comments, but it almost always needs to be said: It would be easier to read/"listen" if you would put the type of music into description. Ie. is it slow/fast tempo, whats the major instrument etc.

    Anyways back to the real subject, you asked for thoughts and here are a few:

    First of all it has a nice flow on it along with the very passionate lines. They strike harder than 1000 volts ;)

    There is few repeats - perhaps too many for my likin' - yet it works. Im impressed. Yet i would suggest you try not to be so questioning in the lyrics.

    These incomplete ( in your opinion ) lyrics work quite good, now you just need to 'finish' it up and make some information about the music for those.

    Thats all, would love to read/"listen" the finished version when its done. So could you be so kind and pm me then?

    Thanks for the read.
    | Posted on 2007-08-04 00:00:00 | by Rainmaker | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
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    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
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    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    147591

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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