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    dots Submission Name: Wicked Carnivaldots

    Author: Fadeintoreality
    Elite Ratio:    1.95 - 33/114/64
    Words: 150
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 770
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1014


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    dotsWicked Carnivaldots

    Mamaís in the lionís cage
    Fighting for a bone
    The children smile with painted faces
    But they eat alone.
    This life is a carnival
    Smells of cheap beer and hazy fun.
    Where people chew tobacco
    And donít waste time with gum.

    Eating out of a garbage can
    Can be like picking someone to love.
    We know itís used
    Abused, like ripped up scabs
    But itís better than being alone.

    Popcorn and liquor is overflowing
    But itís hard to find what you really need.
    Drunken and beaten,
    It can be better than knowing
    But the crackling never is ceased.

    Profanities spilling from my mouth
    Excitement floods my bones.
    But the eyes staring
    Feels like sand paper and stones.

    My skin is dirty.
    My eyes are red.
    I am the poster child for cynical fads.
    Iím tipping over, blacking out
    But before I fall
    The carnival dies out.

    Submitted on 2007-08-03 15:35:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I love the chaos here- it reminds me of a carnival, and I love a piece that pictures in form what it states in words- I think that's what you were going for, and it came through. I'm particularly fond of the mixed personification and metaphor- I suppose again, it reminds me of what I see at a carnival. I'm curious to know though, what's the real scene here? Is it really a person at a carnival
    (I suspect no)? Interested to hear the answer to that.
    | Posted on 2007-08-05 00:00:00 | by TechnoticQ | [ Reply to This ]
      ok what distracted me was how certian stanzas rhymed but others didn't. Other than that I thought it was really good. I loved how the carnival was a metaphor for a family with abuse. It had a lot of imagery and I thought it was carroes out really well. I also loved the ending it had so much emotion and a great picture.
    | Posted on 2007-08-03 00:00:00 | by TheStillSilence | [ Reply to This ]

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