Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

America the Unattractive - July 4, 2007


Author: beatthedrum
ASL Info:    55- F - Southern CA USA
Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 881 /810 /122
Words: 290
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1439
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1794



Description:


This was written on the 4th of July as I was reflecting on recent issues in the news.


America the Unattractive - July 4, 2007



Patriotic songs seem odd to me today
somebody somewhere said that beauty
is skin deep, but ugly goes to the core

America, America, God repoed his grace
dethroned our good and declared us
the dishonored home for homely souls

Heartless in the heartland besieged
by muggy summer rain and heat
no brotherhood crown in the hood

I was not there in Wichita, but I have
to wonder what the hell happened.
Isn’t that that part of the fruited plains?

In a busy C-store a woman lay
bleeding from a stabbing wound
and rather than calling for help

Someone used their camera phone
to take her picture, stepped on to pay
for beer and then left… I don’t get it

We proclaim godly values, but imitate
the holy men that pass by on the other side
instead of Americans we need Samaritans

Some folks in central Texas beat and kill
a passenger from an automobile altercation
and a hate crime victim dives to his death

We hold these truths to be self evident that
all people are created, but not treated equal
in a country where freedoms are only falsies

We dress in red, white and blue to promenade
in a pageant of self proclaimed pretty people,
but bulges rip the seams of our spangled gown

Even thick concealer cannot cover our blemishes
we look like clowns instead of crowned by God
beauty queens and spokes models for the world

I am not attracted to the image in this mirror
I have to question if maybe it is time to create
Extreme Makeover, the country edition




Submitted on 2007-08-04 12:23:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  RIGHT ON!!!!!!!!!
| Posted on 2007-11-09 00:00:00 | by Raineyes | [ Reply to This ]
  we. the people. are so inhuman sometimes. it scares me.

great write.


Grim Aylin
| Posted on 2007-09-20 00:00:00 | by WD-40 | [ Reply to This ]
   Well-written poem my dear Chrystine. It is very clear to everybody that you have hated the American news like I did in my own country too. I agree with Gadfly in what he says that " Doom and gloom invests our thoughts until there is no goodness to see anywhere on the horizon. "

What I like most in this poem :

" We hold these truths to be self evident that
all people are created, but not treated equal
in a country where freedoms are only falsies "

This lines make your idea very clear, they are greatly written. Thanks so much for sharing everything you write. And I hope you would have the chance to have a look on my newest poem " Your Cruel Heart " because your opinon matters me so much.

Good Job.

Khaled.
| Posted on 2007-08-16 00:00:00 | by Khaled AbdAllah | [ Reply to This ]
  Your frustration is well-founded by the examples you cited. I stopped watching TV news casts forthis very reason. Doom and gloom invests our thoughts until their is no goodness to see anywhere on the horizon.

You write very well. The indictment stands without a clear verdict.

We shall see.

The Gadfly
| Posted on 2007-08-07 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



147646