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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: annie0888
    ASL Info:    49/f/LA
    Elite Ratio:    4.76 - 327/382/122
    Words: 64
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1008
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 416



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYoudots
    -------------------------------------------


    If You wanted to
    You could use shadows to write messages
    telling the way to go,
    Draw pictures in clouds
    that show what to look for.
    You could teach birds to chirp
    in codes of welcome and warning.
    You could set the stars in connect-the-dots,
    and arrange the branches of trees
    into a cosmic invitation
    to meet You halfway.






    Submitted on 2007-08-04 18:21:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Ooh, mysterious I like. And I'm assuming it's about God, due to the capitalization of the pronoun 'You'. The poem would make sense that it is God, but you may be rather clever and think "I will capitalize the personal pronouns and structure the poem to make them think I'm alluding to God!" Then Irina suggests a deceased loved one, well maybe, I'm guessing it's someone in power due to what they can do 'could set the stars'. But that could be some crazy metaphor. Ok, I'll stop trying to figure you out. Although I don't understand it, I like the last line.

    By the way is 'telling the way go' meant to be 'telling the way to go'? I don't know, works either either.

    Peace,
    Camo
    | Posted on 2007-10-05 00:00:00 | by Camo Star | [ Reply to This ]
      It makes me wonder who "you" is. From what i read, i had two people in mind. Either a deceased loved one or the Lord. Both of them seemed very plausible and i still have a hard time figuring out is who because it is hard to know which steps to take if there is no guidance and when there isn't, a person tends to go to the wrong side and so that person strays away from the path towards meeting God. If all the signs were there, then it would be easier to know. On the other side, if it was a deceased loved one just looking out for them and guiding them when it seems no one else can do so.
    So overall, i got the message, i just don't know who is "You". Maybe a little bit more signs would help.

    Other than that, i thought it was short and precise. It did not miss the point of the piece at all. I think you've intended the piece to be like that and you've delivered it pretty well.
    Great piece.

    Cheers,

    Irina
    | Posted on 2007-08-06 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem is short and sweet and leaves you to wonder about the meaning. I think that it has a lot of meaning to you. I won't say what I thought it meant due to the fact that that would ruin others impressions of it.

    I would suggest, however, you check and make sure that if you use commas on some lines, you use them on all. It makes the poem more balanced and gives you a break between lines.

    I really like this poem and I think that you have done as great job. This poem seems to either be made up of puer imagery or none at all, but in either case, it doesn't much matter for this type of poem.

    Good Job

    ~Zara
    | Posted on 2007-08-05 00:00:00 | by Zara | [ Reply to This ]


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