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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Rainbow Shadowsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: just an angel
    ASL Info:    17/F/FL
    Elite Ratio:    3.89 - 95/109/59
    Words: 67
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 666
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 461



    Description:
       What do you think of when you see rainbows? Do you even acknowledge them?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRainbow Shadowsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Rainbows turned grey
    So has the day
    Yet there is light not far
    From where you are
    Your problems won't stay

    Now pick up your head
    And look ahead
    The color is there
    This I swear
    Blues, greens, yellows, reds

    But if you continue to stray,
    You'll forget that day
    When all that you doubt
    You're meant to live out
    When shadows are far away




    Submitted on 2007-08-05 06:56:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      There are more to write about the rainbow. Not just about the thoughts, the colors, and so on. Put more life in it. Maybe before you write this, you might want to think of what You were thinking about the rainbow.

    Memories, childhood, love and loss, self-reflection, feelings and emotions...

    Sometimes, it is not the readers who should keep the thought, but the writer as well should know how to think before pouring out the ink on paper. Capturing the readers' heart is right, but never to forget your own.

    All in all, it's nice, thoughtful, and beautiful.

    Read more and write more! Have a good day.

    EC.
    | Posted on 2007-08-06 00:00:00 | by VivaLaVina | [ Reply to This ]
      I disagree with Venia. I think the rhyme scheme of aabba is fine. However, I do find the rhymes themselves a little trite. Gray/day, far/are...I've heard them a thousand times, and they've become very weak.
    This poem could benefit from a little more punctuation, in my opinion. Just to help with the flow.
    In the second stanza, I wouldn't pluralize the colors. It throws off the rhyme scheme a bit. Head/reds is a bit of a strain, because it relies on slant rhyme rather than full rhyme.
    | Posted on 2007-08-05 00:00:00 | by saartha | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very good; I really like it.

    I think my only criticism for this write is the rhyming scheme. It's a fairly short poem, so I think you should keep the rhyming scheme consistent throughout the whole thing. It makes it easier on the reader, because it just flows better. You can spend less time getting the feel for the rhyme, and more time actually understanding the poem.

    But I love your concept. I think it has a great message, and overall it was written beautifully.

    Kudos
    ~Venia
    | Posted on 2007-08-05 00:00:00 | by Venia | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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