Final Release

Author: Nynaeve ASL Info:    23, female, Israel Elite Ratio:    3.09 - 43 /67 /28 Words: 75

Class/Type: Poetry / Total Views: 1022 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 503

Description:

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Final Release

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On a surface of water Nothing stirs So very still I can hear the swans screaming. I firmly believe While the quietness ensnares That all will remain Untouched by my fears. But the ripples are here Uneasy and relentless A wave forms and surrounds me There is no escape. I close my eyes and prepare For the ferocious blow When my body grows numb And the swans are free to go.

Submitted on 2007-08-06 17:44:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments

There is a sense of disconnection between the imagery of the metaphor and the writer's interaction within the story. The transitions from still waters to ripples to waves happens with little explanation as to the cause or source. You have some great ideas here, I just think the presentation does not tie them together as well as possible. Perhaps it might read better if you step away from the piece entirely and write it from the perspective of the swans. Just a thought. The Gadfly

| Posted on 2007-08-07 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]

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