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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: And The Sky Crieddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: kingsley
    Elite Ratio:    2.57 - 100/59/46
    Words: 296
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 930
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1361



    Description:
       what do you think?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAnd The Sky Crieddots
    -------------------------------------------


    intro:I only have my soul now
    and my soul met the sky at the dead
    town , there she told me the reason
    of her tears and her story goes thus:

    It was not yet over
    until your mistake took over
    you betrayed that foetus
    just like Judas betrayed Jesus
    (The sky saw this)

    Our ancestors had better days
    they prayed and hoped that the joy stays
    but you climed up to the throne
    and all we heard was a battle-horn
    (The sky was there)


    The world will be too much if left for you
    everything you see was meant for two
    why then do you make your brothers your slaves?
    and many of them die without a grave
    (The sky buried them)

    outro:And the sky cried
    for the death
    And the sky cried
    for the war
    And the sky cried
    for the hatred
    Even the wind screamed;
    the thunder shouted ;
    and the sky cried
    they all praryed that the next time
    they drink the wine of tears
    that it shall be on a happy note





















    Submitted on 2007-08-07 06:49:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Great write, BUT, and yes there's a but... lol

    Advice actually since I believe this works better as I added quotations, stanzas, and moved the word "thus" to it's proper location:


    I only have my soul now,
    And my soul met the sky
    At the dead town.

    There she told me
    The reason of her tears,
    And her story thus goes:

    "It was not yet over,
    Until your mistake took over.
    You betrayed that foetus,
    Just like Judas betrayed Jesus."

    And the sky saw this.

    "Our ancestors had better days,
    They prayed and hoped that the joy stays,
    But you climed up to the throne,
    And all we heard was a battle-horn."

    And the sky was there.


    "The world will be too much if left for you,
    Everything you see was meant for two,
    Why then do you make your brothers slaves,
    And many of them die without a grave?"

    And the sky buried them.

    Then the sky cried for the death,
    And the sky cried for the war,
    And the sky cried for the hatred.

    Even the wind screamed,
    And the thunder shouted,
    When the sky cried.

    They all prayed that the next time
    They drink the wine of tears,
    That it shall be on a happier note.
    | Posted on 2007-08-08 00:00:00 | by EseanB | [ Reply to This ]
      And u criticized me about rhymes when ur over doing it, but the concept was okay, it sound s like a song, i dont really kno how to sing though
    | Posted on 2007-08-08 00:00:00 | by b_v_grant | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a real luvly poem. the words u used were awesome.

    great write.


    peace
    Grim
    | Posted on 2007-08-07 00:00:00 | by DaGrimReaperess | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes, the sky sees all doesn't it. It's interesting to see in what ways poets give the objects around them characteristics of a person. Sometimes it makes sense as with this or sometimes it makes no sense at all. Very god write in all. I like how you did the intro and outro.
    Katana
    | Posted on 2007-08-07 00:00:00 | by Katana Ryoko | [ Reply to This ]


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