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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Only In Dreamsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lmz
    ASL Info:    40/female/USA
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 3433/1529/84
    Words: 62
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1781
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 509



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOnly In Dreamsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Love is everlasting
    chocolate isn't fattening
    the songbird forever sings...

    In dreams.

    Life has a fairytale ending
    no need for pretending
    promise tomorrow brings...

    In dreams.

    Happiness is forever
    sadness is a never
    death is not reality...

    In dreams.

    Pain is not a feeling
    living, much more appealing
    freedom is actually free...

    Only in dreams




    Submitted on 2007-08-07 17:34:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      To be honest this isn't what I was expecting. I really like the direction you took with this and the thoughts behind the whole thing. As you may remember, I'm of a rather pessimestic nature and although this has the form, for lack of a better term, of a happy little piece, looking deeper definitely leads one to the darker side--even if it's not blatantly stated. You did a marvelous job with this; my only complaint is that apparently I found this after revision. I would love to read the original. As always, it's be a pleasure; keep up the great work.

    J
    | Posted on 2008-09-20 00:00:00 | by bentnotbroken | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. That couldn't be more true. Every line is perfect. I love it, especially the repetition of "In dreams." And the last line is wonderful, along with the rhyme scheme.
    Hmm... there is nothing to critique here, so if you want a useful comment, you won't get it from me.

    "Love is everlasting" I like that part... because it really is bulls*it, and that's what I was thinking about before I started reading this.
    Eternal happiness IS only found in dreams, and that's so sad.

    I wholeheartedly enjoyed every word of this. It's one of the best I've read in a very long time.

    As usual,
    beautifully done.


    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2007-10-23 00:00:00 | by Razor2TheRosary | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this one Lorna. It speaks in a soft comforting voice that in itself, leads to a brief reverie as I think about the images you offer.

    I liked the range of "impossibilities", from the storybook cliché of everlasting love, to the wistful "chocolate isn't fattening"---to the more profound "freedom is actually free". All of these thoughts make me reflect on my own dreams as I relate what you say to my own experience.

    I tink dreams are so important, --they are not an escape from reality, but a means to cping with it. Much of what we dream can become a reality, can spike creative solutions, can dull pain, and can offer peaceful respite in times of crisis. Dreams are gifts, and deserve more respect than they often receive--I think your poem touches on this , especially in the last stanza.

    Row, row, row your boat---

    Sally
    | Posted on 2007-08-18 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem had a lot of meaning it in it for how short it was. And it is true, that only in dreams, that they carry on this fortune of great events. No death, no crime, no mourning the dead on sleepless nights. Pure happiness. It is as if our dreams are our only heaven inside of the world to escape the true tragic things this earth is plauged with it. I praise you on your poem, I agree with it as well. If only our dreams could come true within this world, it would be of a better place...This was very beautiful...And I am glad I came across it tonight.
    | Posted on 2007-08-16 00:00:00 | by Crestfallenman | [ Reply to This ]
      Ha! This is great! If only *sigh*! Brilliant pen you've wielded here, Lorna!
    | Posted on 2007-08-10 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      this was very cute. short and sweet, and wouldn't that be wonderful?? chocolate to not be fattening wow, theres my dream! although if death wasn't reality, and pain didn't exist, happiness and life wouldn't be quite as exhilarating. and if we were guaranteed those fairytale endings why would our guys ever need to work so hard, no more flattery or roses! ...or the free non fattening chocolate. it'd be madness! i guess thats why its left for our dreams. but its a very nice thought, maybe i'd visit this dreamland for a little while, and enjoy the sweeter parts of life.

    great write, and lovely thoughts!

    -steph
    | Posted on 2007-08-08 00:00:00 | by playcrackthesky | [ Reply to This ]
      Being one of life's great daydereamers, I can hook up with what you are saying.

    As always Foxy Lady, your words are a real joy to read.

    A great piece from you....and LONG overdue.

    SSBSM.
    | Posted on 2007-08-08 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      I tell people that they should meditate back to a place in time when they actually believed that anything was possible and dreams were reality.

    I'm one of those dreamers and I don't listen to those who tell me I dream to much - we don't dare to dream enough!

    I'm glad you finally got some time to post Lorna & I hope all is going well!

    love,peace,joy&smiles to share

    tif
    | Posted on 2007-08-08 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      
    The write in itself seems to be a testimony of personal experience. Maybe I am wrong.. But then again this is everyone

    This has a soothing feel to it yet give the reader a slight tough of reality. Dreams are just dreams and tend to give us a way to feel better about situations gone sour and maybe allows us to see them the way we most want to see them.

    I think we all can relate to this write only because it is the fairytales life and thoughts that we all seek but few only get to live.

    Simply write but much depth in the meaning.

    As always Lorna this is a great write.

    Deepest respect and Admiration

    Clyde

    | Posted on 2007-08-08 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
      I always like your piece. It's always written so delicate and with so much meaning. It makes me smile when i read it.

    In dreams, anything can happen. Your unconsciousness is the mastermind and you can be anything and do anything. I love being in that place when reality is just too much to take. In my dreams, i become the hero instead of the victim and sometimes, after i wake up, i have the strength to face reality again.
    The power of dreams.

    This was a very pleasant read. I liked it a lot.

    Cheers,

    irina
    | Posted on 2007-08-08 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      nice write, though i feel like the last few lines strech meaning to match form. i see wha tyou mean, and feel for it, but just keep thinking htere's gotta be a way to be clearer . . . also, what if you swap "no" for "never" in2nd line 2nd stanza? since you use never later, it's better to not repeat it, and it flows better without as well i think.

    | Posted on 2007-08-08 00:00:00 | by AptPupilofLife2 | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh, how sweet! Reading the first stanza made me smile. Mainly, the chocolate isn't fattening portion.

    Although it was so simple it was a lovely piece! The simplist things can become the most beautiful!

    I enjoy the unique rhyming scheme. It's what gave it the charming appeal. It was almost like a lullaby.

    The only thing that set me slightly off was the last stanza that kind of veered of the topic. I didn't quite understand "the power of sleep would cure". I don't know. That's the only part, though.

    Overall, very pretty.

    Indelible_ink
    | Posted on 2007-08-07 00:00:00 | by Indelible_ink | [ Reply to This ]


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