all for love by jjd

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Submission Name: all for love dots

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Author:	jjd
ASL Info:	15/m/goergia
Elite Ratio:	2.34 - 17/57/24
Words:	118

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	277
Average Vote:	5.0000
Bytes:	723

Description:

all for love dots

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sleep at night and see your face,
thinking how you made my blood race.
wishing i'd never started,
praying it never ends.
now im yours forever,
sealing my fate in one night.
feeling how you hate me,
knowing you truely love me.
everything we've done,
things ill never do again.
was it worth it?
it was all for love?
yet i feel my blood racing for the last time
this time it went to far,
as my last breath does me apart.
i can only wonder was it all for love?
was it worth all the years?
all the signs never seen,
now they'll know it wasnt a joke,
but i know its all for love.

Submitted on 2007-08-07 20:21:46 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  i love this poem. i sorta didnt like how depressing it got at the end, but it was good anyways!
love,
~Liz~
| Posted on 2009-07-12 00:00:00 | by ShadowGaze | [ Reply to This ]
  This started out really well, but towards the end, I didn't really feel that you were explaining what you wanted to say in a very good way. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it didn't flow very well. Don't get me wrong, the emotion behind it was good, but the way that it was written could use a little work. I don't really have any suggestions as HOW to fix it though, because I don't really know how you were feeling when you wrote this. Sorry and good luck!
| Posted on 2008-01-17 00:00:00 | by Draumrkopa | [ Reply to This ]
  i really like this write! i like how your not affraid to show emotion in your writngs. i love the lines:
"wishing i'd never started"
"praying it never ends"
Anyway...this is a real good poem! =P

| Posted on 2007-12-26 00:00:00 | by koolness | [ Reply to This ]
  I think you're good at portraying feeling and emotions. I liked this poem!

(sorry about my cruddy comments)

| Posted on 2007-12-17 00:00:00 | by bloo | [ Reply to This ]
  Again, I find that you aren't describing/explaining/conveying this idea in an original way. Every teen could write this. Don't be a cliché.

Someone mentioned the lack of punctuation. Now, there's nothing wrong with intentional lack of punctuation, but it should compliment the poem's style. Don't feel compelled to punctuate everything. It all depends on the poem. But you need to use your spacing/line breaks effectively, when forgoing punctuation.

At least the spelling is much better in this one.
| Posted on 2007-11-30 00:00:00 | by redthewitch | [ Reply to This ]
  This poem was pretty good... but for somereason this poem didn't really flow... it needs some major work...

drop me a comment
Britt
| Posted on 2007-11-30 00:00:00 | by CaughtRedhanded | [ Reply to This ]
  Ouch...the pain

wishing i'd never started
praying it never ends

Those are awesome lines...
| Posted on 2007-10-23 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
  This was an ok read. However...

I struggled with the flow of this one. The lines before never really flowed with the one's that followed. Which overall, is distracting for a reader.
You didnt use any punctuation, leaving me, the reader to work it out for myself as I went along. Which isn't all bad, but it does detract from what you are trying to say.
The beginning line, could be stronger. You need to make people want to read on, you need to make them feel like your write will have a positive effect on their lives. With that first line, I dont think you are doing that.
From the first line, down to "As the knife hits my heart"... I think needs to be re-thought and re-written. I can see what you are trying to say, but the message gets lost in the flow of the piece.
This would have to be my favourite part:

"i can only wonder was it all for love
was it worth all the years
all the signs never seen
now they'll know it wasnt a joke
but i know its all for love"

However... I think the second last line needs to be re-written, mainly because It's too long and makes the last line have a less powerfull effect. The last line Is good, but you do just need to re-write that second last line, and it'll work perfectly.
If you do get around to re-working this one, I hope that you can show me the finished version. The idea and concept of the piece is there, you just need to find the perfect way to approach it.
Good effort, and keep writing.

~SC
| Posted on 2007-08-16 00:00:00 | by seriouscutter19 | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
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8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

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