The Moon's Dance by melancholystar

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Submission Name: The Moon's Dance dots

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Author:	melancholystar
ASL Info:	17/f/tx
Elite Ratio:	4.53 - 598/302/32
Words:	78

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	351
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	480

Description:
I just wrote this in the past few minutes.. while staring up at the moon. Hope you enjoy.

The Moon's Dance dots

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The reflection of the moon on the lake
Quivers gradually throughout the night
Before all of us humans wake
The moon sways in the twilight.

Then the moon must end its dance
For the sun rises in the sky
And the moon sneaks a glance
Right before he waves goodbye.

Now the sun owns all the land
And gives off her rays of heat
She is at high command
Until once again she must retreat.

Submitted on 2004-06-19 21:00:18 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  The majesty of the moon and the sun is depicted beautifuly through your words...congradulation, you've made me smile. Though some say there's always more to add, it's not the contents that matter, it's feeling behind it...write with all your heart.
| Posted on 2004-09-06 00:00:00 | by Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha | [ Reply to This ]
  hmmm have you ever heard the song "moondance" by Van Morrison. Think you'd like it though I don't know you're taste in music. You said you like everything so give it a chance if you get.. well, the chance. One think seemed a little awquard (how the hell do you spell awquard lol i forgot) though was the twilight. Because, I might be mistaken, the twilight is the moment short after the sun set, so the moon doesn't sway there very long, and thats long before humans awake. But hey, as an amateur poet myself, I know its hard to rhyme sometimes and you did it nicely because I still know damn well what you are talking about and what feeling you are trying to get across with that stanza so congrats..

And that was a nice touch labeling the moon as a guy and the sun as a girl.. Im not sure what I'd lable them though..

good write Brooke!

Bruno
| Posted on 2004-08-18 00:00:00 | by brunov68 | [ Reply to This ]
  lovely. i always like poems about celestial things- has such potential for pretty words and imagery. good job. sorry i don't have any more to say except 'lovely' it's just, that's all that comes to mind. lovely.
| Posted on 2004-06-22 00:00:00 | by EmeraldJealousy | [ Reply to This ]
  Oh gee. Everyone liked it, well I did too, really, but I have one thing to point out, the chronology. Twilight comes near or just after sunset. So in your poem, if the image quivers "all through the night" then twilight would have been long gone by that time just before the humans wake. I feel so petty pointing it out, but you don't have to change it, I just wanted you to realize it. It is a beautiful image though. Once while camping a full moon came up over a lake like that and projected a wide ribbon of yellow light like a highway across the water. Everyone just stared at it, a once in a lifetime vision.
You captured it very well.
Dave
| Posted on 2004-06-21 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
  i really like this. i adore Sister Moon and can appreciate anything written about her (even tho you referred to the moon as him!).

Then the moon must ends its dance
For the sun rises in the sky
And the moon sneaks a glance
Right before he waves goodbye.

beautiful! wonderful write!
| Posted on 2004-06-19 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
  i really enjoyed this poem alot. it is so peaceful to just sit and look up at the sky and see the stars twinkle and the moon give a glorious glow. good write lia
| Posted on 2004-06-19 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]
  Aw, this is nice. I like to watch the sun and moon reflected on water. It's just so pretty. I like how you call it a dance.
| Posted on 2004-06-19 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
  This sounds like an Indian love song...
I once heard one that was similar, it spoke of the woman as the sun, and the man *moon* that chases her... very romantic...

I like this alot, it has the elusive quality that makes a piece a paper a canvas, and takes a writer from average to artist...

Very Well Written
BRAVA!
Ora

I demand a repeat performance.. can't wait to see what comes next!
| Posted on 2004-06-19 00:00:00 | by Oracle | [ Reply to This ]
  "Before all of us humans wake
The moon sways in the twilight."

Liked this lines.
Good poem, short and sweet as you are.
| Posted on 2004-06-20 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
  this is very pretty especially when you have captured as much as you did in such a small amount of time
very impresive! i enjoyed readign this a lot!

Amber
| Posted on 2004-06-20 00:00:00 | by Rhaine | [ Reply to This ]
  haha well i loved this one too. youve got a great way with words and rhyming. your rhyming seems so natural. is it? haha yeah well cya soon
| Posted on 2004-06-21 00:00:00 | by Rosalynn Annett | [ Reply to This ]

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