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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Angles of Falling Raindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 73
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 724
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 477



    Description:
       I just wrote this, and I like it! I'm proud of me.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Angles of Falling Raindots
    -------------------------------------------


    If our passion were rain,
    it would be as acute as the slant
    of a violent windblown torrent,
    but sometimes desire lulls,
    must diminish for it must
    until it is like the vertical showers
    that look so fake in movies,
    but if that weren't so,
    the craving would turn into glass,
    and the longing
    would leave our skins nicked and bloody
    or else our hearts would expire
    from the exertion.




    Submitted on 2004-06-19 21:18:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      yay that you are proud of you and that you like this! its always awesome to hear ppl say they actually like their stuff! GO YOU! anyways i really like the images and all in this... specially the fake movie rain and the glass cutting and bleeding skin... WOW! you so damn SHOULD be proud of you! AWESOME write!
    | Posted on 2004-06-23 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't care what anyone else thinks, but this piece is true to you. It carries your style like a rubber stamp. I also love the idea, very observant. A trdemark of the artist. Also, I understand what you mean with the glass image. Shattering glass cuts deeply. This is not true love, but a beautiful image of being "in love". Awesome and a favourite. If this is where your poetry is going, I will follow!
    | Posted on 2004-06-22 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      Heh.. I'm proud of you too. I like this... there's a lot of emotion going on in this piece. I love that it's about "The Angles of Falling Rain"... very creative idea. Love it.
    | Posted on 2004-06-19 00:00:00 | by melancholystar | [ Reply to This ]
      i'm proud of you too, amy. and i like hearing you say that about yourself! "...Must diminish for it must..." i love that line 'cause it stresses the necessity of the need for temperance, else, like you say at the end, "our hearts would expire/From the strain." beautiful poem, amy!
    | Posted on 2004-06-19 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      you have so much passion in your work! that is awesome! its full of something ya know?
    "of a violent windblown rain" is beautiful... like star i am proud of you too! everything you write is beautiul in its own way!

    Amber
    | Posted on 2004-06-19 00:00:00 | by Rhaine | [ Reply to This ]
      amy I really like this but maybe add some interest by changeing the second rain to downpour and the third to drizzel or some such showing a differeing in intensity by the heaviness of the rainfall.
    jan
    | Posted on 2004-06-19 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      First can I say that you are absolutly GORGEOUS in that pick.. it really highlights ur cheekbones and shows what a lyrical divesse you truly are!
    GO GURL, GO!

    This piece is heartfelt... it almost feels elusive, it smacks of an artist, it wasn't written it was crafted... beautiful...
    very beautiful
    Ora
    | Posted on 2004-06-19 00:00:00 | by Oracle | [ Reply to This ]
      I like a nice warm summer rain but at the moment we have downpouring rain here. anyway I really like your poem. the images are very beautiful. I love the first three lines. great poem.
    | Posted on 2004-06-20 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      Loved this lines
    "But sometimes desire lulls
    Must diminish for it must"
    BUT the next line ruins the flow
    "Until it is like the vertical showers"
    I think you should try to change atleast the first part of that line.
    I liked this poem a lot. It really speaks to me as I've just escaped from a relationship that started with an explosion and ended with a warm puddle of dull conversation...
    Great poem !
    | Posted on 2004-06-20 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like the title of this one...its a very pretty image...even though it can be made sadder by switching a few words, 'The Rain of Failling Angels' and actually thats what i thought it said at first. anyway...i like your analogies to different kind of rainfalls...nicely done...(vertical down pours always look fake, even when' they are real)
    | Posted on 2004-06-20 00:00:00 | by LadyChaos | [ Reply to This ]
      you should be proud this is a bueatiful passionte peice i love it...comparing your love to the rain ahhh i love that...no complaining fromme...

    smiles ange
    | Posted on 2004-06-20 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      I have no idea why but I really don't like this. I read it twice yesterday, and then decided to leave it again and come back today when I was in a better humour, but it really isn't getting me. I feel bad saying that cos I know you've been pretty down, and you really like this... it's just sore and grey and heavy and feels like that nasty rain that soaks into your scalp and runs down your neck like ice.. theres glass and coldness and fury... *shivers* I guess I like sunny better.
    | Posted on 2004-06-21 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      Some people may get off on the nicked and bloody passion, but I understood best at the end when you said the hearts may expire, which had a double meaning, of both physical death (what a way to go!) and the death of the relationship. It's like the difference between a sprinter doing a dash and a marathoner setting the pace for the twenty six miles ahead of her.
    | Posted on 2004-06-21 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      See now, this one is ambitious in a way, like others have siad. It really takes a second reading to get a real feel for it. The first time through, it seemed overachieving. But it is better than that. This is tricky write. My jury is out on the total effect, but I can go ahead and say that it has something to it. The whole if-then-else-then thing is certainly original to me. It's such an odd write for you. I like it. Perhaps a little rewriting could make it more obvious in its intentions. Not that you should do that though.
    | Posted on 2004-06-21 00:00:00 | by Black Rock Tractor | [ Reply to This ]
      Very intriguing, most of all. Hmmmm... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Rees
    | Posted on 2004-06-21 00:00:00 | by Black Rock Tractor | [ Reply to This ]


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