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    dots Submission Name: Unobtrusive Lovedots

    Author: saartha
    ASL Info:    27/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 230/385/134
    Words: 45
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 543
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 360

       Edited 8/12/07.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUnobtrusive Lovedots

    He lingers on the edges
    of sight, sound, memory--
    like slender stretching cylinders
    sun-softened and burnished silver
    by cold starlight, singing loudest
    when storms splinter apart the air,

    silent, when the world stills,

    and never desiring to be
    anything more
    than background noise.

    Submitted on 2007-08-09 00:00:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Tnnnn. ... Tnnnn.

    He lingers on the edges
    of sight, sound, memory,
    like thin long cylinders
    sun-softened and burnished silver
    by cold starlight, singing loudest
    when storms crash through the air,

    silent, when the world stills,

    and never desiring to be
    anything more
    than background noise.

    So, you have a more or less significant other/friend in your life that is less a 'noise' and more an unobtrusive sound (similar to the long, slender cylinders of a windchime, which I assume you're alluding to)? That can only be beneficial if you never need companionship or friendship, but it can certainly be mind-numbing during those moments you need a listener rather than a rescuer. And it can become even more lonely when the 'chime' finds another porch.

    Nicely written
    | Posted on 2007-08-09 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      Me likey. It's short, to the point, lovely, admirable, interesting, abstract yet feels somewhat tactile still. Nine out of ten girls giggle when they read this poem, and that is a good thing, I'll let you decide why that is. It reminds me of the concept of a placemat friend, which is something that I have discovered is a talent of mine. A guy that is friendly and good to have around, but really just filling the hole of companionship with no reciprocation until the girl is ready to start something serious with some other guy. The placemat is a sad place to be, hence another reason to go eunuch.

    What was the onomatopoeia supposed to be? I sounded it out, but wasn't sure what it was exactly, it didn't fit my natural range of noises I guess. Anyways, I think it's a swell piece.
    | Posted on 2007-08-09 00:00:00 | by yonkit | [ Reply to This ]

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