[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Unobtrusive Lovedots

    Author: saartha
    ASL Info:    27/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 230/390/136
    Words: 45
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 594
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 360

       Edited 8/12/07.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUnobtrusive Lovedots

    He lingers on the edges
    of sight, sound, memory--
    like slender stretching cylinders
    sun-softened and burnished silver
    by cold starlight, singing loudest
    when storms splinter apart the air,

    silent, when the world stills,

    and never desiring to be
    anything more
    than background noise.

    Submitted on 2007-08-09 00:00:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Tnnnn. ... Tnnnn.

    He lingers on the edges
    of sight, sound, memory,
    like thin long cylinders
    sun-softened and burnished silver
    by cold starlight, singing loudest
    when storms crash through the air,

    silent, when the world stills,

    and never desiring to be
    anything more
    than background noise.

    So, you have a more or less significant other/friend in your life that is less a 'noise' and more an unobtrusive sound (similar to the long, slender cylinders of a windchime, which I assume you're alluding to)? That can only be beneficial if you never need companionship or friendship, but it can certainly be mind-numbing during those moments you need a listener rather than a rescuer. And it can become even more lonely when the 'chime' finds another porch.

    Nicely written
    | Posted on 2007-08-09 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      Me likey. It's short, to the point, lovely, admirable, interesting, abstract yet feels somewhat tactile still. Nine out of ten girls giggle when they read this poem, and that is a good thing, I'll let you decide why that is. It reminds me of the concept of a placemat friend, which is something that I have discovered is a talent of mine. A guy that is friendly and good to have around, but really just filling the hole of companionship with no reciprocation until the girl is ready to start something serious with some other guy. The placemat is a sad place to be, hence another reason to go eunuch.

    What was the onomatopoeia supposed to be? I sounded it out, but wasn't sure what it was exactly, it didn't fit my natural range of noises I guess. Anyways, I think it's a swell piece.
    | Posted on 2007-08-09 00:00:00 | by yonkit | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Instances written by hyproglo
    Broken Promises written by S.A.M.
    ... written by Daniel Barlow
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Some of it written by Daniel Barlow
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    "other people don't get that" written by Daniel Barlow
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    Bam (Awash). written by Daniel Barlow
    an explanation of how i was not good written by Daniel Barlow
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    ME written by jjd
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Stretto written by saartha
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Benediction written by Daniel Barlow
    Saying it to you with some gangsta shit written by Daniel Barlow
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Stance written by Daniel Barlow
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    This written by Chelebel




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]