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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In Betweendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: homeless
    ASL Info:    30
    Elite Ratio:    7.61 - 29/18/23
    Words: 45
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angst
    Total Views: 1050
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 317



    Description:
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    dotsIn Betweendots
    -------------------------------------------


    Daffodils she said
    laying
    upon me - verse
    words of another
    across her lips
    as she speaks blindness
    all I see

    hitting truths upon
    missing reality
    petals
    plucked lessons
    in futility
    dancing in the wind
    nobody sees




    Submitted on 2007-08-09 23:18:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Likes: It's Brevity, the curious pausing, halting, and disjointedness of the first stanza. I guess the smoother flow of the second contrasts and counterchecks the erratic quality of the first which gives the reader time to gain equilibrium.
    | Posted on 2007-08-20 00:00:00 | by CrypticBard | [ Reply to This ]
      I feel like you take the principles of discontinuity too far in this work. Maybe Pound would disagree that there is such a thing as too far, but I have to stand within the camp of partial concrete meaning. The lines are a step over my line of comfortability. Anyways, you don't have to write to please my sensibilities, and it still is an intriguing piece to think about and to ponder. I like how you progress in it from personal to abstract. More than this I don't have much to say.
    | Posted on 2007-08-11 00:00:00 | by yonkit | [ Reply to This ]


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