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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Death investigationdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AngelinDisguise
    ASL Info:    23/F/AUS
    Elite Ratio:    2.23 - 133/171/100
    Words: 188
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 614
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1064



    Description:
       Idk Why I Wrote This Poem
    My Feelings Have Been Very Misleading Lately
    My Poetry Is No Longer Clear
    Im Scared To Speak The Truth
    So This is What I Wrote Instead


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDeath investigationdots
    -------------------------------------------


    standing there dressed in black
    listening to the man state the facts
    she died all alone
    we will take her with us
    and let her family know
    he takes out a knife
    to cut the girl down
    as that is done
    a small note is found
    im sorry for everything i ever said
    sorry for the words
    which turned to regrets
    i tried my best believe i did
    but nothing can stop this pain i feel
    i gave you my all everthing i had
    but at the end of the day
    it was her you wanted back
    im sorry its over im sorry i tried
    i ended it this way
    so you would never see me cry
    the end of the note confused all that read
    for written in blood said
    ill see you there
    the note was placed inside of a bag
    signed, sealed and marked with a tag
    it was time for the investigation to begin
    what really happend where had she been
    as soon as it started was it the end
    my cause of death
    a heart that wont mend




    Submitted on 2007-08-10 03:19:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i like this piece, you can tell your torn and hurt not knowing how to go on i can say i know what it feels like. keep up the good work.
    Joanna
    | Posted on 2007-08-10 00:00:00 | by heartless_ | [ Reply to This ]
      Your computer doesn't do caps no?
    | Posted on 2007-08-10 00:00:00 | by RichieHM | [ Reply to This ]
      Very good, but this write needs corrections and seperate stanzas, especially concerning the note, which should be in quotations. I can see that you tried to keep with the rhymes, but rhyming isn't always important unless it's required. Below I posted an example of how it could have read:_______________________


    Standing there dressed in black,
    Listening to the man state the facts.

    "She died all alone,
    We will take her with us,
    And let her family know."

    He takes out a knife,
    Cuts the girl down,
    As that is done,
    A small note is found.

    "I'm sorry for everything I ever said,
    Sorry for the words,
    Which turned to regrets.

    "I tried my best,
    Believe me, I did,
    But nothing can stop this pain I feel.

    "I gave you my all,
    Everthing I had,
    But at the end of the day,
    It was her you wanted back.

    "I'm sorry its over,
    I'm sorry I tried,
    I ended it this way,
    So you would never see me cry."

    The end of the note,
    Confused all that read,
    For written in blood it said,
    "I'll see you there."

    The note was placed inside of a bag,
    Signed, sealed and marked with a tag,
    It was time for the investigation to begin.

    What really happend,
    Where had she been,
    As soon as it started,
    Was it the end?

    Her cause of death,
    A heart that wont mend.
    | Posted on 2007-08-10 00:00:00 | by EseanB | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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