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    dots Submission Name: Poppy Seeds *redone*dots

    Author: poppi
    Elite Ratio:    7.47 - 72/55/37
    Words: 70
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 710
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 487

       alright this is the re-make. I didn't do it at one in the morning this time so i believe their is some semblance to it.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPoppy Seeds *redone*dots

    Insanity never looked so good.
    As on the face,
    Of a tortured genius
    Poppy seeds in my hand
    Blown to the wind, with a melody
    The chorus of rooftops,
    Beet down in the rain
    Distraught as the safety,
    Of my hand caresses
    Them goodbye.
    My thought’s aren’t my own
    Plagued by the disease:
    Sanity’s treason!
    May this moment of beauty,
    Sing me sleep
    As the poppy seeds,
    Fall around me.

    Submitted on 2007-08-10 14:48:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
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    ||| Comments |||
      I've read the previous version, and I prefer this one. It feels to have a faster pace than the previous, which adds to the effect of insanity. You used better imagery,

    "The chorus of rooftops,
    Beet down in the rain"

    I love that line.

    I'm still having trouble figuring out what the poppy seeds are about, I enjoy them as a symbol, which I'm guessing they are, but I still can't figure out their significance. I dont know if I'm missing something or not.

    It just seems unclear to me. But its a definite improvement and I enjoyed it.
    | Posted on 2007-08-16 00:00:00 | by Silenced Hope | [ Reply to This ]
       Nice Poppi, where did you get this idea from. Lol.

    Anyway, I found it to be a very interesting piece. I never really found anything like this before.

    What I think you could have done to make this seem more 'darker' if that is what you where aiming for. Is include the power of the Poppy seed. Like the powerful drugs it can make and such.

    Otherwise, it was a very good piece. Not good, not bad. Just right.

    Keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2007-08-11 00:00:00 | by darkmoonchild | [ Reply to This ]

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