Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Poppy Seeds *redone*dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: poppi
    Elite Ratio:    7.47 - 72/55/37
    Words: 70
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 919
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 487



    Description:
       alright this is the re-make. I didn't do it at one in the morning this time so i believe their is some semblance to it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPoppy Seeds *redone*dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Insanity never looked so good.
    As on the face,
    Of a tortured genius
    Poppy seeds in my hand
    Blown to the wind, with a melody
    The chorus of rooftops,
    Beet down in the rain
    Distraught as the safety,
    Of my hand caresses
    Them goodbye.
    My thoughtís arenít my own
    Plagued by the disease:
    Sanityís treason!
    May this moment of beauty,
    Sing me sleep
    As the poppy seeds,
    Fall around me.




    Submitted on 2007-08-10 14:48:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I've read the previous version, and I prefer this one. It feels to have a faster pace than the previous, which adds to the effect of insanity. You used better imagery,

    "The chorus of rooftops,
    Beet down in the rain"

    I love that line.

    I'm still having trouble figuring out what the poppy seeds are about, I enjoy them as a symbol, which I'm guessing they are, but I still can't figure out their significance. I dont know if I'm missing something or not.

    It just seems unclear to me. But its a definite improvement and I enjoyed it.
    | Posted on 2007-08-16 00:00:00 | by Silenced Hope | [ Reply to This ]
       Nice Poppi, where did you get this idea from. Lol.

    Anyway, I found it to be a very interesting piece. I never really found anything like this before.

    What I think you could have done to make this seem more 'darker' if that is what you where aiming for. Is include the power of the Poppy seed. Like the powerful drugs it can make and such.

    Otherwise, it was a very good piece. Not good, not bad. Just right.

    Keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2007-08-11 00:00:00 | by darkmoonchild | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    147902

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry