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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Buried Alivedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mysterious one
    ASL Info:    24/f/in my head
    Elite Ratio:    3.61 - 58/57/17
    Words: 92
    Class/Type: Poetry/The pain inside
    Total Views: 731
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 670



    Description:
       


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    dotsBuried Alivedots
    -------------------------------------------


    She can't understand
    where she's at
    how she got there
    how she'll get back

    The darkness is closing
    faster each day
    she's falling deeper
    as she quietly prays

    No light to guide her
    no hope in sight
    she hears herself
    screaming with might

    This pain inside
    it has no end
    she knows its true
    she can't be mend

    To a life of nothing
    she says goodbye
    she turns her head
    and silently cries

    There's no way out
    no way left
    God help me
    is her last breath




    Submitted on 2007-08-11 12:10:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like how it rhymes, but it's sad. If it is you, you can always get help. Ehh, don't do that(if you are)... I liked that there were no hidden messages... Yeah... Good work.
    | Posted on 2007-08-12 00:00:00 | by emoxday | [ Reply to This ]
      Good job with this sad tale. Haven't we all been her or felt like her at some point?! I hope this is not you right now; but, if it is, most certainly life will get better soon. I look forward to reading more of your work. Sharon
    | Posted on 2007-08-11 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
      This is so sad, but it has very good structure, and tells a good rhyming story. Here is a suggestion that I think would improve the fourth stanza

    'This pain inside
    has no end,
    she knows its true,
    it just won't mend'

    You have talent and style!

    | Posted on 2007-08-11 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]


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