Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Buried Alivedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mysterious one
    ASL Info:    24/f/in my head
    Elite Ratio:    3.61 - 58/57/17
    Words: 92
    Class/Type: Poetry/The pain inside
    Total Views: 674
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 670



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBuried Alivedots
    -------------------------------------------


    She can't understand
    where she's at
    how she got there
    how she'll get back

    The darkness is closing
    faster each day
    she's falling deeper
    as she quietly prays

    No light to guide her
    no hope in sight
    she hears herself
    screaming with might

    This pain inside
    it has no end
    she knows its true
    she can't be mend

    To a life of nothing
    she says goodbye
    she turns her head
    and silently cries

    There's no way out
    no way left
    God help me
    is her last breath




    Submitted on 2007-08-11 12:10:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like how it rhymes, but it's sad. If it is you, you can always get help. Ehh, don't do that(if you are)... I liked that there were no hidden messages... Yeah... Good work.
    | Posted on 2007-08-12 00:00:00 | by emoxday | [ Reply to This ]
      Good job with this sad tale. Haven't we all been her or felt like her at some point?! I hope this is not you right now; but, if it is, most certainly life will get better soon. I look forward to reading more of your work. Sharon
    | Posted on 2007-08-11 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
      This is so sad, but it has very good structure, and tells a good rhyming story. Here is a suggestion that I think would improve the fourth stanza

    'This pain inside
    has no end,
    she knows its true,
    it just won't mend'

    You have talent and style!

    | Posted on 2007-08-11 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    147933

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry