Mmmm... what a tasty terse poem. I like the simplicity full of meaning woven from mythology which adds to the context without you having to cram a story into the short piece. Very well done, why not throw a period at the end to show completion of the story?
Also, I would rewrite this poem in latin if I were you, even if you don't know latin it won't be too hard given the shortness of it. Then it would be perfect.