Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Untitled.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Fadeintoreality
    Elite Ratio:    1.95 - 33/114/64
    Words: 90
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 579
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 651



    Description:
       here


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUntitled.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    neptunian shores with onyx oceans
    stone on stone in tidal motion
    white sand glows in stellar thunder
    riding winds of feral wonder

    blackened city crouds horizon
    tempest winds pull forth the mizen
    swirls with dust and dreams and ashes
    lighted now by violent flashes

    fields of lunar flowers bloom
    white and fragile things of gloom
    starlight fingers lace the sky
    knowing they will die.

    moonlight sways, and freely flowing,
    catches winds of dreams and knowing,
    all the while sadly going
    to the place they know they'll die.




    Submitted on 2007-08-11 18:45:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      With just a little tweaking, this poem could be absolutely amazing. I know you'll come up with a perfect title. I love rhyme, and you've done a good job with the rhyme scheme. I would offer a suggestion that you decide on a syllable count (8 seems most likely because many of your lines are that). This poem could flow beautifully with a little additonal work on the meter. It's good already, but you can make it GREAT! I look forward to reading more from you. :-) Sharon
    | Posted on 2007-08-11 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    147947

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry