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    dots Submission Name: Untitled.dots

    Author: Fadeintoreality
    Elite Ratio:    1.95 - 33/114/64
    Words: 90
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 610
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 651


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    neptunian shores with onyx oceans
    stone on stone in tidal motion
    white sand glows in stellar thunder
    riding winds of feral wonder

    blackened city crouds horizon
    tempest winds pull forth the mizen
    swirls with dust and dreams and ashes
    lighted now by violent flashes

    fields of lunar flowers bloom
    white and fragile things of gloom
    starlight fingers lace the sky
    knowing they will die.

    moonlight sways, and freely flowing,
    catches winds of dreams and knowing,
    all the while sadly going
    to the place they know they'll die.

    Submitted on 2007-08-11 18:45:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      With just a little tweaking, this poem could be absolutely amazing. I know you'll come up with a perfect title. I love rhyme, and you've done a good job with the rhyme scheme. I would offer a suggestion that you decide on a syllable count (8 seems most likely because many of your lines are that). This poem could flow beautifully with a little additonal work on the meter. It's good already, but you can make it GREAT! I look forward to reading more from you. :-) Sharon
    | Posted on 2007-08-11 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]

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