Description: this was the result of a challenge by lacrimosa. i was supposed to write a poem with strict rhyme and meter. however, i could not help but sing it as i wrote. *mindless self indulgence, the birthday massacre, upbeat industrial
I'm In Love With My Machines -------------------------------------------
i'm in love with my machines
they bring me metal joy
i ignore the peoples' screams
that i'm a robot boy
i love mechanical dreams
they wake me from my sleep
i love the metallic buzz
in my ears BEEP BEEP BEEP!
i love electricity
it's pulsing through my veins
how the seizures it causes
can drive a boy insane!
i'm in love with my wires
i'm a mechanic toy
i'm in love with my machines
they bring me metal joy
"i love the metallic buzz" --> well of course you do, you're freddybuzzkill!
Structured poems aren't my thing. I guess I don't feel my poetry is any good when I have to structure it. It comes out feeling blase and silly. That's why I am pure freestyle. If someone asked me to write a structured poem, then I'd refuse.
You managed to do this very well. And I like the neat little concept you used for it. Like Lacrimosa said, you're a genuine "electrophile".
"i ignore the peoples' screams
that i'm a robot boy" --> this part was without a doubt probably the part that stuck out the most to me. It almost seems like a double meaning:
a) you are so into machines that you are almost like one
b) you are literally a machine
Heh. Robot Boy.
Fire away!
Anyways, this was a job well done on a structured poem. Kudos for taking the challenge.
i always try to look at the actual content of a poem, rather than the structure, but i could never get used to the line, rhyme, line, rhyme, line, rhyme style. it's not that this isn't a good poem, im just saying.
i like the levity of this. could be either satire or from an electrophile, like lacrimosa said. i don't know you well enough.
Submission Name: I'm In Love With My Machines
