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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: For Now, I Must Hidedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ari Leukos
    ASL Info:    17/Male/CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.92 - 92/129/44
    Words: 224
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 84
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1428



    Description:
       A character/mindframe study. Built heavily on parallel structures, while attempting to maintain genuine phrasework. Please comment as to effect, as well as any other thoughts. Thank you.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFor Now, I Must Hidedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Must hide, must run, must flee—away!
    To streamsides no hunter could e'er trace;
    Must leave, O Stars!, be free as day,
    When the starless time can glimpse the moon

    Where can I look, love, to escape
    When my eyes would lie to me?
    Where can I tread, dear, or outrun
    When my feet lead me far astray?

    Breathe—and sighing breath robs a vital moment.

    Must hide, must run, must flee today,
    To mountaintops where skylarks fly;
    And there, you Stars, would I e'er stay,
    You'd not see, nor I feel your light

    What can I trust, love, in you
    When life departs your fading words?
    What can I keep, dear, of olde
    When the now so quickly turns to ash?

    I cannot breathe—my breath tells lies
    I cannot touch—I've killed a man
    I cannot love—that much was lost
    I cannot stay, or I would surely die

    Do you see now? Know why I—
    Must hide, must run, must flee your side?
    Must leave, must curse, and ne'er be free?
    Must lie that I have killed, when all I tried was love.

    I ask endlessly, tirelessly, where,
    O where I can hide, to escape?
    Yet if I paused to listen for replies,
    I would be lost, and duly found

    Breathe!—and sighing breath has robbed this vital moment.




    Submitted on 2007-08-12 23:09:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      so maybe i'm weird, but this reminds me of moses.
    i didn't really understand the first third or so of this poem until i had read the rest, and then i had to go back and reread it.

    my favorite:

    What can I trust, love, in you
    When life departs your fading words?
    What can I keep, dear, of olde
    When the now so quickly turns to ash?

    it was also nice how you brought up the stars the first two times, but i think you should have brought them up again in another verse right before the end.

    :]
    | Posted on 2007-08-18 00:00:00 | by Toxic Rose | [ Reply to This ]


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