Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: the girl in the treedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blackbird
    ASL Info:    31/male/reykjavik iceland
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 194/328/300
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 632
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 714



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe girl in the treedots
    -------------------------------------------


    i fell for a girl in a tree
    who has a fear of fish
    and wishes to be my suitcase
    into the heather regions
    of some distant france.

    & now the dormant part
    of my busted religion heart
    is aching with some strange new dynamic
    while the slippery universe unwinds
    across my lucid spine
    a sunburst of the chest's long vivid knowing.

    in a fearful contest i am lushed.
    & the world seems brighter now
    in some magestic of touching.
    i feel as if i'm loitering the deep wood
    of some forgotten ghost of an era,
    crowding the romantic laurels
    around my most olive of skins...




    Submitted on 2007-08-13 14:34:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like the magical feeling when I read this poem itself. It has this mystique aura around it. However I don't get the last stanza.. And its like hanging off a cliff.. I agree with TheStillSilence, this piece should have more..
    | Posted on 2007-08-14 00:00:00 | by sango_amaya | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought this was beautiful. You had great imagery and a good beginning, but i got sort of lost at the end. I felt sort of like there should be more to this piece...
    | Posted on 2007-08-13 00:00:00 | by TheStillSilence | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    148023

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Bond written by saartha
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    To written by SavedDragon
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    This written by Chelebel
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Giving written by jjd
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry