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    dots Submission Name: the girl in the treedots

    Author: blackbird
    ASL Info:    31/male/reykjavik iceland
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 194/328/300
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 596
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 714


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    dotsthe girl in the treedots

    i fell for a girl in a tree
    who has a fear of fish
    and wishes to be my suitcase
    into the heather regions
    of some distant france.

    & now the dormant part
    of my busted religion heart
    is aching with some strange new dynamic
    while the slippery universe unwinds
    across my lucid spine
    a sunburst of the chest's long vivid knowing.

    in a fearful contest i am lushed.
    & the world seems brighter now
    in some magestic of touching.
    i feel as if i'm loitering the deep wood
    of some forgotten ghost of an era,
    crowding the romantic laurels
    around my most olive of skins...

    Submitted on 2007-08-13 14:34:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the magical feeling when I read this poem itself. It has this mystique aura around it. However I don't get the last stanza.. And its like hanging off a cliff.. I agree with TheStillSilence, this piece should have more..
    | Posted on 2007-08-14 00:00:00 | by sango_amaya | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought this was beautiful. You had great imagery and a good beginning, but i got sort of lost at the end. I felt sort of like there should be more to this piece...
    | Posted on 2007-08-13 00:00:00 | by TheStillSilence | [ Reply to This ]

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