Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: unpack itdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: secret kisses
    ASL Info:    22/f/uk
    Elite Ratio:    2.81 - 558/438/138
    Words: 143
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 707
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 795



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsunpack itdots
    -------------------------------------------


    how did it ever come to this,
    it only started with one little diss,
    now we have broken parts all over the floor,
    and bags packed ready to walk out of the door.

    i didnt mean to say all the things i said,
    i just wanted to get inside your head,
    knowing you have a lot on your mind,
    i felt forgotten and left way behind.

    so to get you to notice me once again,
    i had to load up on your back even more strain,
    i just didnt know when enough was enough,
    it sort of gave me thrills to watch you wind up.

    but i didnt mean to burst our banks,
    and bring on raging battles with army tanks,
    so im sorry for the way i acted,
    bring in ur back and unpack it x






    Submitted on 2007-08-13 15:59:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Loved this !!!! The rhyming was perfect and it made O so much since.......smiles

    really loved the lines

    "but i didnt mean to burst our banks,
    and bring on raging battles with army tanks,
    so im sorry for the way i acted,
    bring in ur back and unpack it x"

    Made me smile.

    Thanks for sharing.

    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2009-02-07 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a good poem. Sort of simple but that's ok. The point got through and it had a lot of emotion. The ending was my favorite part. Good job!
    | Posted on 2007-08-13 00:00:00 | by TheStillSilence | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    148032

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Linger written by saartha
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Giving written by jjd
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Bond written by saartha
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Fasade written by jackz
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Every..... written by jackz
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Wavelength written by saartha
    One Day written by WriteSomething
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry