Love Means You'll End Up In Jail by djtswing

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Submission Name: Love Means You'll End Up In Jail dots

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Author:	djtswing
Elite Ratio:	5.08 - 84/87/71
Words:	68

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	91
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	398

Description:
Sometimes love comes with a price

Love Means You'll End Up In Jail dots

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The court room of fate
where I pay what is due.
They judge my marked slate
when the pure judge the few.

I give them my heart
I pay them in full.
Where the weak are the smart
and the sharp are the dull.

Here I am tried
for living and for loving you.
I should never have lied
of the feelings I felt for you.

Submitted on 2007-08-14 19:27:10 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
I don't know why but is the cutest little piece. You were able to use a rhyme scheme very well without any awkward bits. In the first stanza you use the word judge twice, it kind of stuck out, but it would be hard to change if you wanted to i think. I really like the second stanza. It says something about love, and how different it makes people act, or how people in love can be seen a lot differently because of how much they do from their feelings. The third stanza is my favorite. It sounds smooth enough to be like a part of a movie, but not enough to turn into a cliché which is good. I think the extra bit "and for" instead of just saying living and loving gives the poem a perfect rhythm at the end.
Anyways, it was a very nice read, and telling someone that you have feelings for them is often something that is hard to do. Also when u find out later you should have, you feel awful. The only thing I didn't like was the title. The poem self explains itself and creates a very nice metaphor. By expanding that metaphor into the title, i think you take away from the poem and mix things up. I mean, what type of jail is it, since the poem isn't literal. Even your description makes a better title, but of course this is only my opinion, and suggestions. Thanks for the enjoyable read, and keep writing.

:) tennisfuzz
| Posted on 2007-08-15 00:00:00 | by tennisfuzz | [ Reply to This ]

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