A Bed Of Roses (A Kyrielle)

Author: Magnolia Steele ASL Info:    30/female/Northwest CA Elite Ratio:    4.71 - 2492 /1825 /232 Words: 78

Class/Type: Poetry /Love Total Views: 1479 Average Vote:    4.0000 Bytes: 488

Description:

---

A Bed Of Roses (A Kyrielle)

---

We fell upon a crimson bed, softly scented petals of red. Lovers entangled in the sheets, suffocating the loneliness. We laid beneath a cobalt sky, staring into rose tinted eyes. Dewy skin glistened from the heat, suffocating the loneliness. The rose petals have all but dried, still, you are the thorn in my side. Lovers trapped in web of deceit, suffocating the loneliness.

Submitted on 2007-08-14 20:31:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_< 2: I dunno... 3: meh! 4: Pretty cool 5: Wow!

Comments

oooo, I like this a lot, very warm and loving in the first stanza with a great progression to the end, I very much enjoyed suffocating the loneliness. I think that that should be the title of this piece, it ties all three stanzas together beautifully, I don't have any criticism for this at all, but I would really appreciate any constructive criticism you could give me on my work, thank you

| Posted on 2007-08-15 00:00:00 | by lynn marsters | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest. 2. Try not to give only compliments. 3. How did it make you feel? 4. Why did it make you feel that way? 5. Which parts? 6. What distracted from the piece?

7. What was unclear? 8. What does it remind you of? 9. How could it be improved? 10. What would you have done differently? 11. What was your interpretation of it? 12. Does it feel original?

148102