This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -
 

Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Star Gazing


Author: saartha
ASL Info:    27/F/US
Elite Ratio:    4.01 - 230 /393 /145
Words: 88
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1883
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 667



Description:




Star Gazing



We found a macroscope
hidden deep within the basements
of our souls
and swiveled the lens
to face outward,
instead of inward
like it had for all our lives.

There, in the sky,
was one unfathomably large neuron,
soma ballooning across light years,
axon extending across light millennia,
stretching out to touch some unseen dendrite,
lost beyond the narrow view.

The heavens flickered
slightly
and we reached
to catch
a bit of the message

but it vanished,
and we were left
more ignorant
than before.




Submitted on 2007-08-15 02:20:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  What a great idea-turning a macroscope/hidden deep within the basements...
(I'm no scientist so I just imagined a microscope reversed).
Actually, it reminded me of Jimi Hendrix "Room Full of Mirrors"where all he could see was he. Then he smashed up/tore down the mirrors.
And the whole world was there for him to see.
I also thought of Robert Haas and his work with space, esp. houses and wondered what he would make of that basement?
It made me feel a little uncomfortable, not really knowing what to make of the unfathomably large neuron and its huge proportions.
I kind of wished some of the message had been conveyed, but on the other hand it might be best to leave it ambiguous. Just to see what people come up with...
This seemed like a short sci fi piece. I think the poem is saying there's a lot we don't know, even right in front of us in the basement of our imaginations;
This piece stood out, it seemed original.
| Posted on 2008-02-10 00:00:00 | by azurwarrior | [ Reply to This ]
  What I liked most about this poem were the ending lines, -.
i.and we were left
more ignorant
than before.


When you gaze outwardly for answers to the riddles of life, it is a very humbling experience,--realizing how little you really know, and how inconsequential that knowledge is. Paradoxically though, the answers do lie inside us all, --but our searchlight focuses too often on the ego and trivial matters that it concerns itself with. There is a lot to ponder in this piece, and I like the way you tied the astronomical imagery of star-gazing to the human soul-searching and introspection. Ultimately, it is all the same quest, and that's what I felt you were saying.

Well done

Silver
| Posted on 2007-08-19 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
  this is most interesting...

the two images i adore seem to completely contradict eachother actually.

the first part i loved was about changing the lense to outward focus.
its so so SOOOO true that our whole lives we just look inward... its all about us... whats in it for us... its quite a selfish and pathetic veiw on life.
and when things are going wrong for us this macroscope inhances every single grievance until all we can see is the way we are wronged without empathy or consideration of others...

to flip it around and look outward... to look to the sky and to the rest of the world should be an enlightening thing. it should be a vehicle for compassion and understanding and such.

but then. the other part i loved was at the end. being left more ignorant than we were when we were inward focussed. because while that shouldnt make any sense it truely does. it makes more sense than ever i thought it did at the start of this comment.
because when we start to look outward and start to consider others lives and the way the world works all we have as a frame of reference is the way we work and the way we understand ourselves. and so... we draw completely wrong conclusions and in some ways we might as well not bother with the looking outside of ourselves thing.

i enjoyed the different use of language in this piece. who ever would have thought neuron could be so poetic
| Posted on 2007-08-16 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  I must say I am unreasonably impressed! IT does take some balls to write a poem with terms that the average layman might not be able to read, but the fact that you do says a lot about you and your poem.

First of all, it shows that you write first and foremost for you. Where others might 'dumb-down' the poem and use discriptive words for the parts of a neuron, you come right out with it and say it because in the end, you are the one you are writing for.

This also goes along with your theme and purpose nicely. Some people will inevitable not know what the parts of a brain cell are, and in that they will lose something, however subtle, about the meanings and messages that can be taken from your work. That would be, in the kindest definition of the word, ignorance. As if they reached out to grasp this impulse of the neuron you just offered us . . . and they failed to grasp it.

Even the saggering insinuations about simply putting a gaint neuron in the sky that obviously we would not be able to use or understand can be something to contemplate. I would almost throw out the psycho-analytic guess that perhaps in a way this neuron is yours - a higher intellect that inevitably would make others hard to relate to, since they cannot simply reach out and grasp those electrical impulses . . .

Then again, I feel it is much more. What if there is a higher order - like perhaps this is "god's" thought? Or perhaps it is simply that in all our human glory, we can stretch towards the heavans and grasp at our data so very much but in the end there are still things so big that we simply cannot fathom them.

At any rate, this really does make me think a lot, and as I have said, I am extremely impressed.
| Posted on 2007-08-15 00:00:00 | by Starless Knight | [ Reply to This ]
  I love this poem!
It's well written, and full of wonderful themes and images...
but, what I like the best is the way you bring the generally unfamiliar words into the poem. The way the terms are woven into the overall piece allows anyone with reasonable reasoning skills to understand what they mean...not just those who take an interest in scientific details.

Thanks for an awesome read!
| Posted on 2007-08-15 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]
  I pretty much loved this. In fact, I was just thinking about how I hadn't added anything to my favorites in awhile, but now I've stumbled upon this marvelous piece of work. The only thing I would change is that it seems like it's a bit lacking in punctuation.

But I think this was written masterfully. I'll admit, there was a handful of words that I didn't know, but I felt like you wrote it so that even if the reader didn't know the meaning of all the words, he or she would still understand what you were trying to say.

Kudos
Keep Writing

~Venia
| Posted on 2007-08-15 00:00:00 | by Venia | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



148114