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    dots Submission Name: Monsterdots

    Author: lynn marsters
    ASL Info:    20/f/canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.41 - 49/61/32
    Words: 243
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 903
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1842


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    A swirling madness
    Concealed by a calm surface
    Threatens to devour her

    She does not see

    Her eyes are mislead
    By the misleading tranquility
    Of the contemptuous sky

    So flauntingly high
    So loftily superior
    So exquisitely unattainable

    Now found so close
    So attainable
    A hand’s reach away

    She refuses to look
    Beneath it’s reflection in the water

    She can not see the monster

    He waits quietly
    To devour her

    She draws nearer
    He begins to lose patience
    Excited by her nearness

    She draws nearer

    The sky disguises the turbulence
    Of the monster’s excitement
    As its prey draws near

    “Closer, closer”
    He whispers

    “What sound is that?”
    She wonders
    A sense of unease creeps tentatively along her spine

    “Closer, closer”
    He whispers

    She gazes, still from afar, upon the water

    A ripple
    Breaks the

    A momentary flaw in the sky’s perfect reflection

    She gasps
    And backs away

    More cautious now
    Her curiosity draws her nearer

    And the sun appears
    From it’s hiding among the tall oaks
    And the perfect orb is reflected in the water

    She gasps
    And draws a little nearer

    Mesmerized by the light
    She extends a hand
    Towards the water

    Laughs the monster

    And she hears…

    Too late

    Submitted on 2007-08-15 14:47:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Scaary... and yet so increddibly wonderful...
    Don't know why but it makes me think of a woman in an abusive relationship. I suppose it can be read in manny different ways... still love it

    The layout of it all makes it more interesting, just like the woman(girl) it almost lures you to keep reading.
    the imagery and storyline are compleatly flawless as far as I can see.
    just one thing... the repetiton of mislead in the second (third) stanza messes things up... makes it feel wierd if you could find a substitute for either mislead or misleading i think it would get better.
    It's like; I was stared at by the staring eyes, or examined by examining hands or something like that.

    otherwise this is one of the better things I've read for a while
    | Posted on 2007-10-17 00:00:00 | by Wolfie | [ Reply to This ]
      very well written <nice adjectives and the use there of>...i liked it
    | Posted on 2007-08-15 00:00:00 | by Amanda Lynn | [ Reply to This ]

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