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Author: lynn marsters
ASL Info:    20/f/canada
Elite Ratio:    3.41 - 49 /61 /32
Words: 243
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1059
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1878



A swirling madness
Concealed by a calm surface
Threatens to devour her

She does not see

Her eyes are mislead
By the misleading tranquility
Of the contemptuous sky

So flauntingly high
So loftily superior
So exquisitely unattainable

Now found so close
So attainable
A hand’s reach away

She refuses to look
Beneath it’s reflection in the water

She can not see the monster

He waits quietly
To devour her

She draws nearer
He begins to lose patience
Excited by her nearness

She draws nearer

The sky disguises the turbulence
Of the monster’s excitement
As its prey draws near

“Closer, closer”
He whispers

“What sound is that?”
She wonders
A sense of unease creeps tentatively along her spine

“Closer, closer”
He whispers

She gazes, still from afar, upon the water

A ripple
Breaks the

A momentary flaw in the sky’s perfect reflection

She gasps
And backs away

More cautious now
Her curiosity draws her nearer

And the sun appears
From it’s hiding among the tall oaks
And the perfect orb is reflected in the water

She gasps
And draws a little nearer

Mesmerized by the light
She extends a hand
Towards the water

Laughs the monster

And she hears…

Too late

Submitted on 2007-08-15 14:47:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  Scaary... and yet so increddibly wonderful...
Don't know why but it makes me think of a woman in an abusive relationship. I suppose it can be read in manny different ways... still love it

The layout of it all makes it more interesting, just like the woman(girl) it almost lures you to keep reading.
the imagery and storyline are compleatly flawless as far as I can see.
just one thing... the repetiton of mislead in the second (third) stanza messes things up... makes it feel wierd if you could find a substitute for either mislead or misleading i think it would get better.
It's like; I was stared at by the staring eyes, or examined by examining hands or something like that.

otherwise this is one of the better things I've read for a while
| Posted on 2007-10-17 00:00:00 | by Wolfie | [ Reply to This ]
  very well written <nice adjectives and the use there of>...i liked it
| Posted on 2007-08-15 00:00:00 | by Amanda Lynn | [ Reply to This ]

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