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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Graduationdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Maverique
    ASL Info:    25/F/Own little world
    Elite Ratio:    3.27 - 438/478/128
    Words: 310
    Class/Type: Story/Misc
    Total Views: 902
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1979



    Description:
       You tell me.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGraduationdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The academic regalia lay in a carelessly flung heap on her bed.

    The girl stared at it with hatred, the robe, the hood, the ugly mortarboard, and wished she could take a knife to the whole mass of dark cloth, tearing at it until it resembled the chaotic mess she felt within her.

    She still remembered with perfect clarity the fit of peevishness and anger which washed over her when her mother had sounded disappointed, a few days earlier, that she wanted to skip her own graduation ceremony. Dad's looking forward to it, her mother had said softly, and with that sentence, rage flared up in her.

    She was surprised at her reaction, and the strength of it, but a deeply-rooted sense of guilt and filial piety had her biting back her natural loathing towards the graduation ceremony, swallowing it down and making herself sick in the process.

    She hated the robes, hated the idea of the graduation ceremony, hated the pride in her parents' eyes, hated them all.

    This whole damn thing, she thought, sick to the core, is pointless.

    The heap of cloth on her bed continued to taunt her by its mere presence, the mortarboard arrogantly daring her to slash it. She would have loved to shred the robe to pieces and hang herself with the hood, but the fact that it was a rental prevented her.

    Come to think of it, she hated, too, the practical, polite side of her which always emerged victorious when inner battles were being fought out.

    Her mother's voice rang out, interrupting her thoughts, asking her if she was ready for the photography session.

    I'm coming, she said, gathering up the robe, hood, mortarboard and putting on her smiling, everything's-okay mask.




    Submitted on 2007-08-16 02:20:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I don't think it tells the entire story. You've got hints in there, and clear ideas--that she hates the concept of the whole graduation ceremony is clear, and that she hates herself more so--but I don't see any kind of reason for it. You might want to think of expanding it--of explaining what happened to make her so upset about everything in general.

    As always, your word choice is exceptional. However, (and I may be wrong in thinking this)as I recall the traditional gown for women at graduation is white rather than black--or at least it was at my graduation and most others I've heard of. Some sort of juxtaposition thing.

    I also think that her need to slice, rip, destroy is rather...cliché. And the suicidal urge is every bit as pointless as the ceremony, unless there is some far deeper thing about this that isn't carried across in this rendition...

    To say it's well-written is an understatement. I'm just not sure if it's as complete as it could be.

    --crimson
    | Posted on 2007-08-20 00:00:00 | by crimson echo | [ Reply to This ]
      its okay i like what you did with the words i just thought it could have been longer with defined characters
    | Posted on 2007-08-16 00:00:00 | by kingsley | [ Reply to This ]


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