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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Stormdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Forest Saint
    ASL Info:    21/M/US
    Elite Ratio:    5.79 - 26/35/29
    Words: 131
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 756
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1031



    Description:
       This poem was inspired by a severe thunderstorm I was in. I was also grazed by lightning during the storm.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Stormdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Silence. The storm approaches.
    Its black clouds draw close.
    Daunting manifestations of shadows.
    Prophesying wicked ambitions.
    All is silent. All is waiting.

    Listen. The storm beckons you.
    The voiceless clouds speak softly.
    A foreboding lamentation.
    Solemn vows of impending doom.
    All is waiting. All is perturbed.

    Look. The storm arrives.
    The malevolent clouds howl ruthlessly.
    Darkness devours the entire land.
    Thunder expunges the corpse of Fear.
    All is perturbed. All is judged.

    Hide. The storm surrounds you.
    The spiteful clouds deliver judgment.
    Twilight weeps pallid streaks of wrath.
    Tumultuous chaos shreds reality.
    All is judged. All is over.

    Ended. The storm departs.
    The transient clouds melt back into oblivion.
    Looking down from Ethereal Skies,
    Silent crystalline tears Ive cried.
    All is over. All is silent.




    Submitted on 2007-08-16 13:46:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I find this well written and I like the flow, but for the usage of large words at times it does have a well written qaulity to it.

    Sometimes it is better to be simple in the writting and use words that are better suited for a write of this qaulity. Words that make the reader stop and think of the meaning can tend to through a wrench into enjoying a good poem.
    Just a thought.

    For the most part the descriptiveness of this write was very well delivered and I had no problems with the visuals. I myself love storms and will sit in wait for a coming storm. I think it is the rawness and untamed beauty of a storm that draws me to them. It is knowing that there is no controling them that makes them beautiful.

    I absolutley like this write for what it is and but for the nitpicks above I can say you delivered this very well

    Respect and Admiration

    Clyde
    | Posted on 2007-08-18 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought that this one is actually [censored]ing Fantastic. I love the flow and rythm, pace and all that jazz. It was powerful in its entirety. and inspiring too match. I thought it was almost perfect (Nothing is perfect the unwritten law)...

    I really liked the beginning of each stanza...
    "Silence. The storm approaches.

    Listen. The storm beckons you.

    Look. The storm arrives.

    Hide. The storm surrounds you.

    Ended. The storm departs."
    And then how you went on to explain why you should do all these things, or why these things happen. And then the ends of the stanza's, how they all flowed together. Yep, they would have to be my favourite parts. That doesnt mean I didnt like the rest... because I definately did.
    Imagery, wordchoice, descriptions... all good.
    So good in fact, I think I will add to my Favourites...
    Well done, and sorry if you think that I was just applauding your work with no helpful criticism... In all honesty, I have no criticism.

    ~SC
    | Posted on 2007-08-16 00:00:00 | by seriouscutter19 | [ Reply to This ]
      Good wordage. Good description. Good visuals. Good everything, actually. I loved it. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK... or else...

    "Thats all."
    | Posted on 2007-08-16 00:00:00 | by Kiddo | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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