Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: xEscapexdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jingles
    ASL Info:    19.m.canada
    Elite Ratio:    2.08 - 18/60/36
    Words: 136
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1027
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 935



    Description:
       Its pretty self explanitory.
    I was thinking about my ex.
    9 months gone.
    And I had a breakdown...
    And started crying and writing..
    Id like youre opinions...I havent thought about her in a long time.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsxEscapexdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Eyes slowly open
    On with the day.
    I put on my smile
    And pretend Im ok.
    None of you know
    None of you see.
    The misery slowly eating at me.

    Why can't I forget you?
    Why can't I move on?
    I can only pretend
    To hang on for so long.
    I still see you're smile
    I still smell you're hair.
    These memories haunt me
    It's not FUCKING fair.

    You're moving on
    I'm left in the dark.
    Sitting here,drinking
    Alone in this park.
    I should drop this vodka
    And walk away.
    And prepare to let my smile fade.

    Eyes slowly close
    Im kissing you're lips.
    Hugging you tightly
    My hands on you're hips.
    I leave reality behind
    And all the tears to.
    Because until the day I die.
    Im gonna dream of you.




    Submitted on 2007-08-17 06:39:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I liked this up to the third stanza, which has a good sense of an ending. This stanza has a Dr. Seuss quality to it, which breaks the sentimentality and makes the lines:

    "Sitting here,drinking
    Alone in this park."

    ironically funny. Because all lovesickness has its laughs. I don't know if that's what you intended, but it's there and it's worth keeping.

    You have a good sense of rhythm, but the rhyming couplets you favor often get in the way of the emotion you're conveying. You should try something without rhyme ... blank verse or free verse ... or with occasional rhyme ... and experiment with broken rhythm.

    | Posted on 2010-03-10 00:00:00 | by VegetativeBody | [ Reply to This ]
      aww i love this! usually it seems like guys are soulless and have no heart, but in this poem it proves that it's really all just a front. if you love her enough and she's worth it, chase her. that's probably all that she wants. this was a great poem. i look forward to reading more.
    </3 lisa
    | Posted on 2008-02-08 00:00:00 | by 777sacrites777 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is deep! And I'm sorry you had to go through such thing! I know it's hard been there done that! My fave part would have to be I'm left in the dark.
    Sitting here,drinking
    Alone in this park.
    Not the best way to cope but I would certainly do the same..I love the whole thing your really talented! And I hope things get better and trust me it will get better and you do move on no matter how hard it is to move!

    Crystal
    | Posted on 2007-08-20 00:00:00 | by Hip-Hop Honey | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    148183

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Hazy Half-Moon written by rev.jpfadeproof
    BlackBerry Bushes written by Daniel Barlow
    More written by homeless
    Chapter written by Crestfallenman
    TSC written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Untitled - 12/12/2017 written by homeless
    Blinded by Sight written by Torie
    Untitled 2 written by homeless
    April 1, 2018 written by homeless
    Untitled - May 14, 2017 written by homeless
    Forget written by Crestfallenman
    Sadistic lust written by jjd
    Sleeping Giant written by MyPeriodical
    Two written by homeless
    coping mechanism written by cornonthekob
    Buried written by MyPeriodical
    Jar (working title) written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Blank Page written by Chelebel
    Chèvrefeuille written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Post Naturalism written by cornonthekob
    Summer of Peaches written by rev.jpfadeproof
    'Cause You're Mine, I Walk the Line. written by Torie
    Shading written by saartha
    burning confusion written by cornonthekob
    The Phoenetians and Us written by Torie
    No More Damn Love Poems written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Tidal written by OneDarkFlame92
    Fizzy Love written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Outside the Chain written by Wolfwatching
    trish trillion written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry