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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Liardots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lynn marsters
    ASL Info:    20/f/canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.41 - 49/61/32
    Words: 103
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 832
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 625



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLiardots
    -------------------------------------------


    A lie in theory
    An inelegant tale
    Creepily showy
    And so often despaired

    My words speak of tales
    Buried in rubble
    Of the obscured
    Truths that Iím hiding

    I have no recourse
    No truth to tell
    My life is for you
    For all Iíll tell

    Words are deceiving
    If you want to know the truth
    Look what youíre saying
    Compare your own truths, lies

    Youíll see the connection
    Brave the examination
    See what I am saying
    And find the truth within you




    Submitted on 2007-08-17 11:21:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Its a good piece but you might wanna change some of the words like in the first sentence Intelegant and the third stanve it should be Remorse instead of recourse other wise it was a good piece (can you comment my piece Behind the Window SIll)?
    | Posted on 2007-08-24 00:00:00 | by panzyrocker | [ Reply to This ]
      I think the idea behind this is good, but it has a lot of abstract words and phrases like 'creepily showy.' SHOW how it's that rather than telling us. You also end this rather abstractly as well (and also with a chiche). words are your tools. they are what evoke a response in the reader. this didn't evoke anything in me.

    joe
    | Posted on 2007-08-20 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      Loved the ideas of truth, lies and words... and I find the choise of expresion indeed veryyy "elegant" 8-> ... although the 'tale' is "inelegant"... but we have the lies to make everything a little more shiny :)

    L.
    | Posted on 2007-08-18 00:00:00 | by -Lith-Ium- | [ Reply to This ]
      I want be able to tell you that I truly enjoyed this read but I would not be telling the entire truth. I felt that the way this was worded was quite laborious and imminently repetitious to the point of being rather disconcerting. The effort was very good but the outcome leaves something to be desired.
    | Posted on 2007-08-18 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]


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