Liar

Author: lynn marsters ASL Info:    20/f/canada Elite Ratio:    3.41 - 49 /61 /32 Words: 103

Class/Type: Misc /Misc Total Views: 1043 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 633

Description:

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Liar

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A lie in theory An inelegant tale Creepily showy And so often despaired My words speak of tales Buried in rubble Of the obscured Truths that I’m hiding I have no recourse No truth to tell My life is for you For all I’ll tell Words are deceiving If you want to know the truth Look what you’re saying Compare your own truths, lies You’ll see the connection Brave the examination See what I am saying And find the truth within you

Submitted on 2007-08-17 11:21:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments

Its a good piece but you might wanna change some of the words like in the first sentence Intelegant and the third stanve it should be Remorse instead of recourse other wise it was a good piece (can you comment my piece Behind the Window SIll)?

| Posted on 2007-08-24 00:00:00 | by panzyrocker | [ Reply to This ]

I think the idea behind this is good, but it has a lot of abstract words and phrases like 'creepily showy.' SHOW how it's that rather than telling us. You also end this rather abstractly as well (and also with a chiche). words are your tools. they are what evoke a response in the reader. this didn't evoke anything in me. joe

| Posted on 2007-08-20 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]

Loved the ideas of truth, lies and words... and I find the choise of expresion indeed veryyy "elegant" 8-> ... although the 'tale' is "inelegant"... but we have the lies to make everything a little more shiny :) L.

| Posted on 2007-08-18 00:00:00 | by -Lith-Ium- | [ Reply to This ]

I want be able to tell you that I truly enjoyed this read but I would not be telling the entire truth. I felt that the way this was worded was quite laborious and imminently repetitious to the point of being rather disconcerting. The effort was very good but the outcome leaves something to be desired.

| Posted on 2007-08-18 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]

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