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Author: lynn marsters
ASL Info:    20/f/canada
Elite Ratio:    3.41 - 49 /61 /32
Words: 103
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1043
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 633



A lie in theory
An inelegant tale
Creepily showy
And so often despaired

My words speak of tales
Buried in rubble
Of the obscured
Truths that I’m hiding

I have no recourse
No truth to tell
My life is for you
For all I’ll tell

Words are deceiving
If you want to know the truth
Look what you’re saying
Compare your own truths, lies

You’ll see the connection
Brave the examination
See what I am saying
And find the truth within you

Submitted on 2007-08-17 11:21:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Its a good piece but you might wanna change some of the words like in the first sentence Intelegant and the third stanve it should be Remorse instead of recourse other wise it was a good piece (can you comment my piece Behind the Window SIll)?
| Posted on 2007-08-24 00:00:00 | by panzyrocker | [ Reply to This ]
  I think the idea behind this is good, but it has a lot of abstract words and phrases like 'creepily showy.' SHOW how it's that rather than telling us. You also end this rather abstractly as well (and also with a chiche). words are your tools. they are what evoke a response in the reader. this didn't evoke anything in me.

| Posted on 2007-08-20 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
  Loved the ideas of truth, lies and words... and I find the choise of expresion indeed veryyy "elegant" 8-> ... although the 'tale' is "inelegant"... but we have the lies to make everything a little more shiny :)

| Posted on 2007-08-18 00:00:00 | by -Lith-Ium- | [ Reply to This ]
  I want be able to tell you that I truly enjoyed this read but I would not be telling the entire truth. I felt that the way this was worded was quite laborious and imminently repetitious to the point of being rather disconcerting. The effort was very good but the outcome leaves something to be desired.
| Posted on 2007-08-18 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]

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