[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Take A Lookdots

    Author: Fallyn Angel
    Elite Ratio:    2.79 - 44/69/91
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 936
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 645


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTake A Lookdots

    Look around me and what do you see?
    A blanket of purity..
    Am I what you want in life?
    Am I the thing you strife?
    Tell me true and tell me fact..
    So I can learn how to act.
    If I am what you seek in life..
    then why is it you hold that knife?
    The knife that killed the love...
    The knife that you dared shove.
    How could you be so mean?
    You just smiled oh so keen.
    I trusted you with every bit of me...
    But I can finally see...
    The real you has coem to show its face..
    You no longer have a place.
    Not here or there...
    Not anywhere.

    Submitted on 2007-08-17 13:57:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Good write. I know what Esean B is saying, but don't worry too much... such comes with experience. if you go back and read my older writes, I was once as you are... I lacked form, but I wrote with emotion. What you need is to find your rythm, your specialty.
    | Posted on 2008-03-17 00:00:00 | by Vampiric Death | [ Reply to This ]
      Pretty good write, but try using multiple stanzas.
    | Posted on 2007-08-17 00:00:00 | by EseanB | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]