Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Guide of Experiencedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Specdro
    ASL Info:    28/Of Course/NY
    Elite Ratio:    2.94 - 21/53/38
    Words: 179
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 986
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1077



    Description:
       I don't think there is much to say about this... anyone that has been down that path knows what I'm talking about. ;)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGuide of Experiencedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I once saw a man
    Standing in the road.
    He pointed with his hand
    And told me which way to go.

    The road looked rough
    So I glanced at the other way.
    The decision was tough
    And I was losing most the day.

    The man looked sad and broken
    with a satchel on his shoulder.
    His cigarette was still smoking
    And his eyes seemed to grow colder.

    I left the man
    And I took the other path.
    It looked easy so I ran
    I thought to myself, I'll get the last laugh.

    I continued to walk
    As days seemed to slip away.
    Till I saw the writing in chalk
    “You went the wrong way”

    Unhappy and depressed
    I turned on my heel to go.
    The lonely feeling of stress
    Wishing I knew what I now know.

    I saw the man who had the sack
    He had a tear in his eye.
    What is it that you carry on your back?
    “The world”, was his only reply.

    -Experience carries the world.




    Submitted on 2007-08-18 11:22:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This poem reminded me of that poem "Two Paths in the Woods" or something like that by Frost.

    The grammer here is off...

    "awful colder."

    Also in this part, you don't need the word "freaking"

    "wrong freaking way”

    Other than that, i thought that this was about meeting the devil at first and choosing the "good" path. Then i read on and realized that the man was just trying to get the character to go the right way.

    The only thing i'd suggest changing is the evil laugh part. It adds to the idea that you're meeting the devil at a split in the road instead of a man who's holding the world on his shoulders...


    Sam
    | Posted on 2007-08-18 00:00:00 | by Falling Rain | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    148228

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry