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Addicted to the lies.

Author: EternitysLyre
ASL Info:    20/M/Taiwan.
Elite Ratio:    7.13 - 152 /170 /42
Words: 560
Class/Type: Poetry /Nostalgia
Total Views: 1310
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 3509


Too long? Too wordy? Too quickly shifting rhythm? feel free to tell me.

Addicted to the lies.

“Why is the sky blue, mother?” asked innocent blue eyes
“Why, because it’s very happy and it’s flying very high.”
“So just because it’s high it’s blue?” The curious child pressed
“Just because it flies that’s true.” A frivolous address

But that was more than fit his need, he gave the truth not slightest heed
And drank the words for all their worth
The way the wind was freed
A pair of eyes so brightly blue, an azure purest through and through
Since all was blue and blue was mirth
He’d always loved the birds-eye view

But colors follow rainbow flow, and end in colors no one knows
A singsong lilt, and lullaby, when hopes and dreams solidify
In dazzled depths the sands call from below
And shining sun the days won’t ever slow

Rocking horse gave way to chairs, and legos fade to books
Afternoons distilled to words, but pleasure in the nooks
The magic trailed but cinders left no trace
And windows brought to him his last solace

“Mother, can I go away, and live my life another way?”
”You cannot leave, for you shall die, and suicide’s fates go awry”

Yet none of this would slow him still, no scalding scorn nor glaring chills
He longed to sail the mem’ries firth
And wake to hear the songbird’s shrill
Belief held fast like vindication, and bore no known elaboration
He took the lies so dire and dearth
And threw them out in preparation

“What do you mean, like those who fell?”
“Suicides all go to hell.”

He knew he wasn’t made to last for long; they all said life was too soon gone
And all were sure, they’d seen it true, there was no cure, no misconstrue
A gaze from high above confirmed that there was nothing else to see
A word from down below affirmed that there was nothing else to be

Six foot small, still standing tall, and seven stories high
A world above, among the doves, and miles from the sky:

“Mother, I don’t want to learn, these teachers make my stomach churn.”
“Do your work and shut your mouth, you’ll never change—and don’t you pout”
A faintest smile and sullied eyes, the blue all left behind
The strait was not too tall to cross, the boat within his mind.
The leap a small one, a step ahead,
A world down, beside the ground,
—A battered soul struck—————

The air rushed by him, he felt no chill
His mother frowned, his sail was filled
The graying eyes gave way to blue
He smiled, he sang, he laughed
—He flew—

He took the lies so dire and dearth
And drank the words for all their worth
Since all was blue and blue was mirth
He longed to sail the mem’ries firth

He saw the concrete coming, he smiled at the end
“Suicides will go to hell” His mother warned again

But that was more than fit his need, he gave the truth not slightest heed
He joined the sky along the path the way the wind was freed
A pair of eyes so brightly blue, an azure purest through and through
He swore he’d heard a songbird shrill—
—He’d always loved the birds-eye view—

Submitted on 2004-06-20 11:55:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  hmmm a bit long and outspoken very easy to lose a reader ,audience, maybe even hmmm juss about anyone how bout working on holding the crowd and compacting your feelings into words and not paragraphs its ok tho i suppose
| Posted on 2004-06-22 00:00:00 | by No Talent | [ Reply to This ]
  This was interesting. The first time I read it I lost interest a bit and had to force myself to keep reading. I read it again to try to ascertain why; but couldn't put a finger on where exactly I had gotten put off. Perhaps it's just the way the paragraphing is presented...

But the only real criticism I have is in the order of some of the paragraphs. You have the child growing older with some excellent lines of "rocking horse gave way to chairs..." and follow that with lines that seem to indicate the child has grown to manhood and then suddenly we are back to "...these teachers make my stomach churn..." as though he were still a young boy in school. This seemed out of place where it was; you might consider re-working those lines into an earlier stanza somewhere.
| Posted on 2004-06-22 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ]
  Very nice, very nice. I think it's more of a rhyming story, rather than a poem, but it's yours, so you classify it whichever way you want.
I love rhyme, it's very nice, it gives nice flow, and also stops bulkiness from happening.
I agree with Jan.
Great, great, great.
I'm adding this to my favourites...
| Posted on 2004-06-22 00:00:00 | by runedot | [ Reply to This ]
  Yes it's long but its good. You used good wording. It told a good story and a good lesson. Dont believe everything you hear. If you think you need to change it you should then, but I think its good the way it is. You have a talent!
P:S I like the ending
| Posted on 2004-06-21 00:00:00 | by Jan | [ Reply to This ]

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