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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: tigers poemdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ladiesplanet1
    ASL Info:    23.cali baby
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 720/463/165
    Words: 50
    Class/Type: Poetry/I am dead inside
    Total Views: 473
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 275



    Description:
       tiger is so cool. he doesnt even hit me that much. and i deserve it anyway. its okay. but hes nice when he's not high. and he will fall asleep next to me and let me sleep with him. and he's a good lay so whatever. it doesnt even hurt that bad


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    dotstigers poemdots
    -------------------------------------------


    tiger caught me when i crashed
    when you just made me feel like trash
    tiger lies as much as me
    but so what, at least im free
    tiger takes me to his bed
    and he aint scared to give me head
    tiger doesnt scream at me
    but he beats me




    Submitted on 2007-08-19 15:43:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      Abusive relationships frighten me. Just the way that you worded it, it's like the last line is supposed to jump out at you. He seems like this very nice guy or whatever then out of nowhere "But he beats me". It's kinda like a smack in the face. I say don't stand for it. You deserve better.
    | Posted on 2007-08-20 00:00:00 | by ParanoidParadox | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, first of all, I have to have a moment to wonder why you would stay with someone who beats you, and is only nice when he's not high. You don't deserve that. No one does, no matter how bad your last boyfriend was.

    Writingwise, this was ok. It seems like one of those poems that someone just kind of scirbbles in his or her spare time, which is perfectly fine. I'd say just add a bit of punctuation, and make that last line one or two syllables longer, because it doesn't really fit in your flow.

    Keep writing
    ~Venia
    | Posted on 2007-08-19 00:00:00 | by Venia | [ Reply to This ]


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